Yoga+Music365 (day38) – The Ecstatic by Mos Def – The World’s Longest “Pregnancy” Edition

When we started the adoption process back in September 2008, several people suggested we start a blog to capture the time while we were waiting to build our family.

In theory I thought it was a good idea and thought I would do it someday because, that’s what “good” adoptive parents do.

Right? 

Good adoptive parents record every moment of waiting time so that they have a “pregnancy” story to share with their child when they ask about how they became a family.

Then I got all caught up in the notion of what “good” adoptive parents do and got overwhelmed in the judgement about what I am supposed to do.

I hate doing what I’m supposed to do.

So instead, I decided to just do some projects that interested me while we waited. So far, I’ve taken all classes possible to move across the salary schedule (who doesn’t love more money???), studied to become a yoga teacher and now I’m training for a half-marathon.

Oh and I started a daily writing project about two things I love: yoga and music.

I guess my future kid will at least know his/her mom was super busy while waiting.

Interesting to me now, that this blog about my becoming a yoga teacher is evolving into a kind of “pregnancy” story. It’s documenting the changes in me over time. I guess in my own way, I am documenting my transformation into a parent.

Adoption is obviously a longer wait than biological pregnancy. It’s also a much more personal “pregnancy” because there is no physical reminder of our impending parenthood.  If people don’t know we’re adopting – they would never know we’re expectant parents. We don’t have month-to-month bump photos or ironic t-shirts.

Stupid T-shirts

We just have a big binder and a whole bunch of waiting.

I’m curious how other people documented their transformation into parents.

How did you document your pregnancy or waiting time?

How did you share that story with your child when they asked?

Biological or adoptive stories are welcome. Please share your stories here.

 Today’s yoga brought to you by the home practice! It’s a half-marathon training day.

Today’s music is The Ecstatic by Mos Def.

Don’t forget FREE Fridays at 4:30 with the new It’s All Yoga teachers (21st and X in Sacramento) – you’ve got to sign up online www.itsallyoga.com

I’m teaching 3/5/10 – so mark your calendar.

For the month of February, I’m teaching a Level 1/2 on Mondays at 5:45. Come join me.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart

We talked to the owner of our adoption agency today after months of weirdness with our case worker in the satellite office.

Here is a list of things I learned from today’s conversation.

  1. Our dossier – fancy name for paperwork – just got sent to Thailand a week and a half ago.
  2. Our “waiting clock” of 12-13 months started when our dossier got sent to Thailand.
  3. We thought our dossier had been sent to Thailand in the spring of 2009.
  4. What we thought of as almost a year of waiting patiently, apparently was just practice for more waiting patiently.
  5. Now our expected time to travel is Summer 2011.
  6. I’ll be working next year.
  7. Working with satellite offices – not so much.
  8. I really appreciate hearing the words “neglected”, “mishandled” and “miscommunication” immediately followed by the words I’m sorry.

 Since no one is quite sure how to react to this situation, please let me ask for what we need and to tell you what we definitely don’t need.

Let’s start with the DON’T LIST in case you are short on time:

  1. “This exact same thing happened to my (fill in the blank)” …. I’m sorry to hear that, but right now I don’t care. It’s happening to me now. Focus, people.
  2. “Everything happens for a reason”…. I know and my supreme disappointment is directly attributed to someone misinforming me at best and lying to me at worst. So unless the universe is trying to tell me not to trust people – save it.
  3. “But you’ll be such great parents…the kid will be lucky and …. it sucks that “good” people don’t have kids, but “those” people do.” – Quit judging us and them. You aren’t making anyone feel better.
  4. “There are plenty of kids here to adopt”  -Since you don’t know our situation,  keep this kind of not so veiled judgement to yourself as well.
  5. “I wish I could just make it happen for you”  -We do too, but you can’t.

Now for what we actually need:

  1. Hugs.
  2. Lots of tissue.
  3. Quiet time to be sad.
  4. Some fun. Please feel free to take us out to dinner, the movies, shows – whatever – we’re easy that way.
  5. A vacation. Feel free to offer any and all frequent flyer miles and vacations houses. We’d love to get away this summer. Hell, maybe even this spring.

Stationery #best09

December 28 Stationery.

When you touch the paper, your heart melts. The ink flows from the pen. What was your stationery find of the year?

After reading this prompt, I think I may be missing out on one of life’s simple pleasures. I haven’t written or received a letter on stationery in years. Like most, I keep up with friends via email, text and Facebook. I do, however,  remember the feeling of excitement when a hand-written letter would come in the mail.

For a while, after most people were keeping up with friends only on the Internet,  my friend Joanne and I would exchange real letters. We were inspired to write letters to each other based on a book about two friends living in different parts of the world and longing to keep the connection between them.

While Jo and I no longer write letters to each other and despite living on different continents, career changes and children, we still manage to stay connected to each other. Yes, Facebook has played a role in that. A smaller role than one would think.

Instead, we plan vacations together.

Before Jojos went to medical school and still had her fancy flying around the world job, I could count on her annual visit. Once she settled in country to study medicine, I wondered how we’d keep up that pace. Thankfully she missed California and wanted to show it (and her old friends) off to her new boyfriend.

The next summer we traveled to England to meet her new baby girl and to spend a couple weeks together in the South of France. The four adults to one 9 month old baby ratio was perfect for a relaxing holiday of swimming pool hijinks and cheese eating.

Last summer Jojos brought her little family, which now included a new baby boy, back to California for some summer fun. Some friends we have in town were traveling to Italy for the summer and generously offered their house to the Brits. They have two daughters so when little Sophie came into a holiday house filled with girlie toys, she exclaimed, “It’s the House of Treasures”!

 With our adoption plans keeping us guessing, we’re not sure what our next vacation will be.  Or even when it will be. Maybe in the meantime, I’ll spend some time writing Jo a real letter on real stationery and revive that little pleasure in my life.

Good friends to have.

Yesterday we got some disappointing news. Our adoption wait is going to take longer than we first thought. Current circumstances are pushing our wait to the longer 24+ month wait, rather than the optimistic 18-24 month wait. Not the end of the world, but disappointing nonetheless.

It didn’t really sink in until this morning how sad I am about it.

I have been operating on the optimist time frame. I had it in my head that by next school year we’ve have our kiddo at home and instead of trying to teach everyone else’s kids how to read, I’d be home learning how to be a parent.

Not so.

I’m not sure exactly at what moment my disappointment set in, but when the tears started, I wasn’t sure they were going to stop. By the time I reached the school parking lot, I had it pulled together. I figured I’d just muscle through and then come home and continue to be sad.

I slipped through the office unnoticed and made it halfway to my classroom when I encountered some of my colleagues talking to one of my former parents in the hallway. They all greeted me with a warm good morning and my eyes immediately welled up again.

Next thing I knew, I was enveloped in a great big mama teacher hug crying like a baby. Big hugs and kind words followed. I explained what had happened and one reminded me what I already knew… that “our” kid isn’t ready for us yet and when he or she is ready for us, we’ll be there.

Their kindness helped me put our situation in perspective. So it’s going to take a bit longer than we thought, but when it happens it’ll be right.

So thank you dear friends for your support and love.

Worry list

I thought I would share a current list of things that are weighing on my brain. Maybe getting them out of my head will help sort them out and give me some perspective.

1. Our adoption. I’m worried it’s not actually going to happen. In the words of Tom Petty, “The waiting is the hardest part.” Indeed.

2. Next school year…. Will I be teaching? Where will I be teaching? What grade will I be teaching?

Seems some changes may be happening and if I’m going to be teaching I’d like to know now who, what and where. Not so much on the last minute changes by other people. Just sayin.

3. If our adoption does go through in the next few months, how will I survive the travel? 

Jet lag + humidity + extreme heat + anxiety = bad news for Tami.

4. How will I handle the transition to parenthood? Will we really be able to live on one income?

5. Will I teach yoga? Where will that take me?

6. Ok, the thinking about the extreme Thailand heat got me thinking about the summer weather here. Will I ever get used to the heat in Sacramento? I really hate it. Seriously. Once it starts, sometimes I feel like it’s never going to stop and that freaks me out.