Adoption is not for the faint of heart

We talked to the owner of our adoption agency today after months of weirdness with our case worker in the satellite office.

Here is a list of things I learned from today’s conversation.

  1. Our dossier – fancy name for paperwork – just got sent to Thailand a week and a half ago.
  2. Our “waiting clock” of 12-13 months started when our dossier got sent to Thailand.
  3. We thought our dossier had been sent to Thailand in the spring of 2009.
  4. What we thought of as almost a year of waiting patiently, apparently was just practice for more waiting patiently.
  5. Now our expected time to travel is Summer 2011.
  6. I’ll be working next year.
  7. Working with satellite offices – not so much.
  8. I really appreciate hearing the words “neglected”, “mishandled” and “miscommunication” immediately followed by the words I’m sorry.

 Since no one is quite sure how to react to this situation, please let me ask for what we need and to tell you what we definitely don’t need.

Let’s start with the DON’T LIST in case you are short on time:

  1. “This exact same thing happened to my (fill in the blank)” …. I’m sorry to hear that, but right now I don’t care. It’s happening to me now. Focus, people.
  2. “Everything happens for a reason”…. I know and my supreme disappointment is directly attributed to someone misinforming me at best and lying to me at worst. So unless the universe is trying to tell me not to trust people – save it.
  3. “But you’ll be such great parents…the kid will be lucky and …. it sucks that “good” people don’t have kids, but “those” people do.” – Quit judging us and them. You aren’t making anyone feel better.
  4. “There are plenty of kids here to adopt”  -Since you don’t know our situation,  keep this kind of not so veiled judgement to yourself as well.
  5. “I wish I could just make it happen for you”  -We do too, but you can’t.

Now for what we actually need:

  1. Hugs.
  2. Lots of tissue.
  3. Quiet time to be sad.
  4. Some fun. Please feel free to take us out to dinner, the movies, shows – whatever – we’re easy that way.
  5. A vacation. Feel free to offer any and all frequent flyer miles and vacations houses. We’d love to get away this summer. Hell, maybe even this spring.

29 thoughts on “Adoption is not for the faint of heart

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  5. Big, warm hug….I won’t say “everything happens for a reason” because I don’t believe that. Shit happens sometimes….that’s what I believe.

    And…I am sorry Tami.

  6. I’m so, so sorry.
    I have no miles or homes to offer, but vacations seem like a great idea– something to look forward to. What is something you’ve always wanted to do or a place you’ve wanted to go? Lower cost options– volunteer vacations, a month at Esalen (including working) (omg, so healing), weeks on an organic farm in Europe…just some ideas.
    A big hug to you.

  7. Big hugs and bigger love, Tami and Jed. Next time I’m in Woodland, I’ll make a trip to Sac and we’ll do lunch. I’ll keep you posted on the planning. Love you guys.

  8. I would love some movie buddies to catch up on the films under scrutiny for the current and upcoming awards. Saturday late afternoon or Sunday Mid Mornings are perfect or even a random weeknight …. let’s get a schedule together and you and Jed can be my movie dates :) Don’t worry…I’ll supply the hugs and tissue.

    XOXO and TONS of LOVE!!!

  9. oh sister, if you could go to the retreat next week instead of me i would really truly let you. i will bring back havi goodness and rub it all over you and it will be like you got away.

    big hug and a swear word, preferably one that starts with an ‘f’.

  10. there’s a studio in brooklyn that isn’t exactly the ritz, but it provides a safe place to crash if you need a long weekend in a city full of distractions, amusement, and maybe even a few good things to eat. jet blue runs great deals (as low as $200 round trip, i’ve seen). even it’s only for a couple or three nights, you (meaning you or you and jed) are always, always welcome.

  11. what are you guys doing this saturday night? todd and i have a sitter coming. let us take you anywhere (in the sac area) you want. movie, bar, dinner, whatevs. srsly.

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