Tag Archives: international adoption

Blogs I Love: Rosie Molinary

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Blog I Love: Rosie Molinary.com

rosie molinary

Who they are: 

blogs i love

Rosie Molinary is a lot of things to a lot of people. She’s my co-creator/facilitator of The Healthy, Happy, Sane Teacher, author of two books – Beautiful You and Hijas Americanas, she’s a body image expert, teacher, board chair of Circle deLuz,  adoptive mama and friend. She’s also a prolific writer, fantasy football nut and cardigan collector.

When asked what work she goes, she invites us to take a peek under the hood and a peek inside her classroom.

Why I love Rosie Molinary.com and what I learn from it:

Rosie is a master at self-care. She wasn’t always. When she started out as a teacher in her early twenties, she ended up in the emergency room twice. In a week.

She learned self-care the hard way. And she writes and teaches what she does, so you don’t have to. I love her for that!

All of her self-care posts show how busy people can make their lives better by taking the time to take care of themselves.

She shows you how to say no so you can say yes to the things most important in your life.

How scheduling a break can help you be more productive in the long run.

Her starter steps to self-acceptance is an absolute must read.

Flipping the switch (from self-hate to self-acceptance).

Quieting the anxiety. The name says it all.

A road map for resilience.

 Posts I find inspiring:

Spark Your Systems is a series of posts which for me are completely awe-inspiring. Rosie outlines how she handles various aspects of her life and she makes organization seem completely reasonable and doable. Some of my favorites are: Menu Planning and Planning for What You Need, Want and Have To Do (my want-to-do list somehow always gets lost).

Giving up The Facade – would you go au natural, even for a day? Rosie challenges her students (and the community at large) go forgo make up and hair products for a day and to let the world see the real person. I’m fascinated by this phenomenon because I grew up in an era where make up was optional for a lot of us. Not so much for this next generation. In the past she has shared photos of her scrubbed clean students and they all look beautiful.

Getting Over A Break Up: A Primer. Who hasn’t been there? Here are real steps to help you feel better.

 If you haven’t already, go check out RosieMolinary.com and then tell me what you think.

What blogs do you love?

Things I’m Afraid To Tell You: My Thoughts On Adoption and Birth Mothers

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As Mother’s Day draws nearer, I find myself getting unexpectedly weepy.

First off, now I’m a mom. A role I wasn’t sure I was ever going to have, certainly one I came to later in life. It’s all now really sinking in.

I’m someone’s mom.

Here’s the part where my experience is different from other mothers and where some deep sadness fills my heart.

In addition to being over the moon about our baby, I can’t help but think about Ruby’s birth mom. And how her loss has been the biggest gift we’ve ever received.

Our precious girl.

Talk about a double-edged sword. Someone else’s loss being your gain? Let’s not even talk about what the kids have lost. Totally does my head in.

A number of people have written so eloquently about what adoption has taught them , about how the adoptive parents (NOT the children) are the lucky ones and honoring their son’s birth mother, that I ask you grab your favorite beverage and read their posts. All these posts brought me to tears and made me want to add my thoughts about adoption and birth mothers which at this point are not very eloquent.

I do have to say that not all of our experiences are the same, however I feel a deep kinship with other adoptive parents. I wanted to highlight some of the ways adoption is heartbreakingly beautiful, with an emphasis on heartbreaking.

Since I’m having some trouble putting together my thoughts on adoption and birth mothers in an eloquent way, I’ll just list them in no particular order. I bring these topics up now because I’ve been an adoptive mama for a while now and believe it or not these have come up. In the spirit of transparency on the internet, many brave bloggers are sharing what they are afraid of. 

I do fear people are going to take offense to what I’m about to say. Some want to tell me our experience as mothers is exactly the same and while there are many commonalities, there are a few huge differences. Some will find out they’ve accidentally stepped on toes because they’ve been curious. Some will find my thoughts presumptuous. So be it.

I’m filing this post under: Things I’m Afraid To Tell You.

afraidtotell_chalkboard_full

While I do not know my daughter’s birth mother, we are connected and I am forever in her debt. Ruby is a gift. She’s changed me in totally wonderfully unexpected ways.

Sometimes I find myself sobbing because I missed the first nine months with Ruby. She was so well cared for which is a relief, however I ache for that lost time.

Please don’t ask to know the details of a birth mother’s circumstances – it isn’t your business. I am nosy by nature, so I get it. But really, not your (or my) business. It is an awkward moment for everyone involved. That story truly does belong to the adoptive child and when they are old enough may or may not wish to share those intimate details of their past with you.

I know I’ve already over-shared some of Ruby’s history with people because I have been caught off guard. I feel awful about this because it’s not my story to tell. If I’ve shared anything about this history, please do not share with anyone. If I haven’t, please don’t ask.

Please don’t make assumptions about birth mothers. There is no typical story. There is no archetype. They are women just like us, making difficult choices. And for god’s sake, please don’t make comments about how “some” people are “breeding” and are “crackheads” who just irresponsibly give birth multiple times.

Really? sounds like right-wing anti-woman propaganda from the 80s. 

Just stop it.

For all we know, the woman standing next to us in line at the grocery store has an adoption story. For some, it is a secret. I imagine, a painful one. Even without your judgement.

Please don’t judge birth mothers. They may or may not have different life styles than us.  Comments about how you could never give up a child aren’t helpful either. Under certain circumstances, we’d all make tough choices to hopefully better the life of our child.

Please don’t say adoptive parents are lucky or saintly for adopting a child – we really are the lucky ones. We are the ones gaining a child to love.

Please don’t give parenting advice until you are also parenting an adoptive child – some things are just different when you are starting your life from a loss. Also, we lean toward Attachment Parenting and would probably be parenting this way even with a biological child.

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What are you afraid to tell people? Please share in the comments or write a post of your own and link back.

Please know that comment kindness is greatly appreciated.

Thanks to EZ at Creature Comforts for the challenge. And Jess for getting it all started.

Talking Adoption on Yes and Yes

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Today I am guest posting about adoption over at one of my favorite of all times blogs – Yes and Yes. If you are curious about the hows and whys of our adoption journey, this is where you’ll find some answers.

Sarah Von is a world traveling former ESL teacher with a love of Taiwan and a contagious laugh.

I hope you stop over to read my post and while you are there stay awhile and get to know Sarah a bit.

Catching Up with Alicia Herrera of Spirit House Designs + a GIVEAWAY!

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Last November I interviewed my fellow public school teacher, adoptive mom (to be), and owner of Spirit House Designs, Alicia Herrera, as part of my Featured Teacher Series.

Here’s a snap shot of our conversation recently.

What is happening in your adoption?

We are now 27 months into our adoption pregnancy.  After the initial flurry of paperwork, classes, and home study, we have been more or less waiting.  And, because all of the legal documents tent to be valid only for a year, we have renewed all of our paperwork once, too.

We are pretty much at the “top” of the list for getting an important phone call- the one where we are matched with our child.  After we are matched, it will be another 4-8 months while we go through the court system. We hope to have a toddler at home this time next year!

What’s changed since last year?

One big change has happened since this time last year.

The program that we were in (Thailand) basically slowed to a stop. International adoption is dicey in that the process can take so long that policy changes happen mid-process.  We were advised by our adoption agency to switch countries if we were wishing to complete an adoption in the next couple of years (yes!).

Adoptive parent requirements vary from country to country and, initially, we had not been married long enough to consider a few other options.  Those options were suddenly open to us, including a very good program with a small children’s home in Taiwan.

Having to change countries is a big fear for adoptive parents because of time and money lost. It can be heartbreaking to essentially “start over”.   We had to face that fear this year and it was hard for us.   More waiting, more money, still no guarantees.  We took a deep breath, crossed our fingers, and reapplied in Taiwan.

Are are you still raising money to fund your adoption through Spirit House Designs? 

 Reapplying meant redoing a lot of paperwork (again!) and repaying fees.  In addition, the program in Taiwan is also about $7,000 more, by design, than Thailand. We expect to spend about $35,000 by the time we are finished, which is roughly a teacher’s take-home salary for one year.  It is amazing to consider!

What’s new at Spirit House Designs?

Oooh. The thing that I am loving the most this year are the silk art scarves.  They have been individually painted, dyed, and then shaped by hand.  I added little specks of light and color to make each one unique.  They look great and feel luxurious.  I put up a tutorial on the blog that shows my favorite way to wear them as scarves, but they are versatile enough to be worn as a shawl, too.

They are such a pleasure to make. Working with silk is filled with meditative moments.  Mixing color, paying attention to the fiber’s response, moving slowly, being open to what each piece wants to become… all of these things are done with intention and love.  I believe that this attitude is what makes each item beautiful and what pleases the wearer. There is no substitution for heart.

I also have the next batch of nuno felted scarves, flowers, huipil cushions, as well as some gifty felted soap, all of which can be seen first at the open studio at the house on November 19th.

Where is your work available?

I will be showing at the Davis Art Center Holiday Sale and the Davis Gift Mart the first weekend in December.  This should be a fun holiday season of sharing both textiles and adoption excitement updates with everybody.

I will also be having a Spirit House studio presale on November 19th, for those who are unable to make the Davis Art Center Sale.  From 10 AM-2 PM, the studio will be open and items will be available for purchase.

The studio sale is by invitation only, but all are very welcome.

{For an invitation, simply submit a comment of interest}.

All of the profits from the presale go directly toward our adoption fund.

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Alicia has generously donated a silk scarf to the readers of Teacher Goes Back To School.

To enter to win – please leave a comment about what color palette interests you most: warm tones or cool tones.

 Options for Extra Entries:

Subscribe to Teacher Goes Back to School via Email & Confirm Subscription (upper right hand corner) and then leave a blog comment telling me you subscribed. If you already are a subscriber, leave a comment letting us know.

Subscribe to Spirit House Designs via Email & Confirm Subscription (upper right hand corner) and then leave a blog comment telling Alicia you subscribed. If you already are a subscriber, leave a comment letting us know.

“Like” Teacher Goes Back to School on Facebook and then leave a blog comment to confirm. If you already like TGBTS, leave a comment letting us know.

“Like” Spirit House Designs on Facebook and then leave a blog comment to confirm.If you already like Spirit House Designs, leave a comment letting us know.

Tweet this post or share it on Facebook and then leave a blog comment to confirm.

Who is eligible to win?

Anyone with a valid e-mail and a U.S. mailing address is eligible.

When do I find out if I am the winner?

The contest is open from November 13, 2011 until midnight PST on Friday, November 18, 2011. The winner will be announced on November 19th at the Presale. {Need not be present to win.}

You will have 2 weeks to e-mail us back with your home address so we can mail the prize.

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THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED.

Thank you to all who entered.

Things To Do While We’re Away

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Surprise!

We’re back.

Not really. Auto-post is like magic.

I did want to stop in and say hi and tell you all we miss you already and point out some good internet things to do while we’re away.

As you read this we’re probably completely wrecked in Taiwan after the 12 hour flight which left at 2am + a 15 hour time difference. We’ll be posting occasionally to Facebook and Twitter if we can.

In the meantime, here are a couple of posts until we get it together when we return from Taiwan and to the blog.

Happy reading!

Helpful hints for welcoming a new family home – thank you, Rosie Molinary! We’re looking forward to introducing our new addition to everyone, just as soon as we’re all bonded as a family.

Go look at all the pretty stuff I’ve pinned on Pinterest

Find out more about adoption from Adoptive Families Magazine.

The Final Countdown: One Week Til Ruby.

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I keep resisting the urge to dwell on all the “lasts” I’ll be having this week. The last Sunday morning yoga class with Michelle before Ruby {so grounding}. The last Duran Duran concert with Jeannie before Ruby {true story, going tonight!}. The last drink at the Shady Lady before Ruby {uh, I guess I need to still make this plan}…

You get the picture.

Next Monday our life changes forever.

We finally meet this little one.

The last few weeks I’ve been feeling really excited and ready to get the Ruby show on the road already – a mix of anxiety and anticipation with a side of exhaustion. Is this what pregnancy is like the last few weeks?

We travel this week.

Try not to be jealous of our crazy trip {or at least what we think our trip will look like}.

We fly to Taiwan late Friday night, experience what I’m sure will be the most excellent Saturday of my life whilst on the plane and land in Taipei early Sunday morning.

Monday morning we hop the high-speed rail and finally go pick up the Rubes{!!!}.

By Monday evening our new little family returns to Taipei.

Tuesday morning we bring Ruby with us for the paperwork Olympics.

Sometime between Tuesday afternoon and Thursday night when we fly out, we pick up our completed paperwork.

As for the rest of our trip, we’re going to let it unfold. We’ll be sure to take lots of pictures.

How do you deal with anticipation?

Adoption Update: We Travel in Six Weeks!

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{via}

Much to our amazement, we got THE CALL yesterday morning telling us we’ll be traveling to Taiwan in about six weeks. This wasn’t just surprising because we’ve been on the receiving end of so much bad news surrounding our adoption, it is surprising because we were expecting to travel at the end of the calendar year.

So. Many. Changes.

So. Many. Emotions.

I’m thinking this is our first lesson in parenthood – plans, shmans.

If you’d like to help us prepare for welcoming our girl home, please read the following links. Rosie has done an absolutely brilliant job at getting to the point of what we’ll be needing from you all in the coming months.

Dear Friends And Family

We Are Family

18 Ways to Love The New Family or Family Member In Your Life

Saturday Senses

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{via}

tasting :: pink wine from italy – is it blush or rose? who cares?!? it is delicious.

hearing :: squeals of surprise and delight.

smelling :: lilies without sneezing {thanks, allergy meds!}

seeing :: RUBY!

feeling :: loved.

wishing/hoping :: for a quiet weekend. it’s been a bit hectic around here this week.

What about you?

What are your senses this Saturday?

Looking back, how was your week?

Leave a comment and tell me all about it. I’d seriously love to hear about your week. Now’s not the time to be shy.

This weekly tradition inspired by Pink of Perfection’s Five Sense Friday.

Don’t forget to click the links!

Saturday Senses

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tasting :: sautéed zucchini, chickpeas and tomatoes with israeli couscous.

hearing :: willie nelson’s demo sessions.

smelling :: peanut butter from my waffles this morning.

seeing :: when i see the amount we have paid so far for our adoption plus what we still need to pay – about $35,000 in all – my blood pressure rises. working on a grant application put this all in front of my eyes this week. hello, stress!

feeling :: squeezed/tight/constricted. spring break is still far enough away i don’t believe it is actually going to happen and i’m finally worried about money for adoption – i guess my long-held denial may be coming to an end.

wishing/hoping :: we can all find a little peace and calm this long week before spring break.

What about you?

What are your senses this Saturday?

Looking back, how was your week?

Leave a comment and tell me all about it. I’d seriously love to hear about your week. Now’s not the time to be shy.

This weekly tradition inspired by Pink of Perfection’s Five Sense Friday.

Don’t forget to click the links!

Saturday Senses

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tasting :: nothing

hearing :: your current adoption wait time: 2-3 more YEARS. {unless we switch to another country}

smelling :: nothing

seeing :: through a lot of tears.

feeling :: gutted, but well-loved and supported. super delicate and very much in need of a soft touch.

wishing/hoping :: for some time and space to just be sad. some clarity on what we will do. kindness to self and from others.

What about you?

What are your senses this Saturday?

Looking back, how was your week?

Leave a comment and tell me all about it. I’d seriously love to hear about someone’s week that didn’t totally suck. If your week sucked, tell me about it anyway. I’d love to have some company.

This weekly tradition inspired by Pink of Perfection’s Five Sense Friday.

Don’t forget to click the links!

Saturday Senses

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Saturday Senses is a way to capture the spirit of each week.

add it to my wish list along with the trainwreck shirt
{via}

tasting :: a couple different fruit variations of the oh she glows green monster {no bananas for me thanks: frozen organic blackberries or mango for me please}. interested in trying one? here are a bunch of variations at the green monster movement.

hearing :: my favorite band in the world {old 97s} play live tonight at the fillmore!

smelling :: sweet potato fries baking in the oven

seeing :: my students starting to master 3rd grade standards. did someone say multiplication facts?

feeling :: a little sad about the anniversary of the longest wait in history.

wishing/hoping :: for everyone to have a super fun weekend with friends – that’s my plan!

What about you?

What are your senses this Saturday?

Looking back, how was your week?

Leave a comment and tell me all about it.

This weekly tradition inspired by Pink of Perfection’s Five Sense Friday.

Don’t forget to click the links!

One Word

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Today’s #reverb10 prompt:

Prompt: One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

2010: Restorative

From deciding this is the style of yoga I want to teach to really learning what it takes for me to be fully rested, restorative was the word of this year.

I am planning to keep restorative close to heart in the coming year as well. I think it will come in handy.

Next year: Transformation

By this time next year, I hope to have become a parent.

What about you? What is your one word?


Pregnant for 21 Months…and Counting

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Pregnant for 21 Months… and Counting 

{This was first published at Becky and Hollee’s blog back in June 2010.}

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Today we are pleased to welcome a California mom-to-be who shares how she’s coping with the a very long journey to motherhood.–Hollee

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Can you imagine being pregnant for 21 months and counting? Welcome to the world of international adoption!

During the fall semester of 2008 (we’re both public school teachers), we began our very long journey toward becoming parents. Every second that fall was filled with adoption paperwork. We answered essay questions about why we wanted to adopt and it all came down to this:

There are children in the world who need families and we want to raise a child.

We both believe families are made, not born.

Tami and her husband

 

Autobiographies were written. Fingerprints were cleared by all possible agencies. We wrote a child care plan, divulged tax information, ran financial reports, found guardians for our future child and talked about discipline. Home studies were completed, doctors were consulted and notaries notarized every single scrap of paper.

Through this process I have learned a lot about my husband. I admire his ability to stay hyper-focused and organized, strengths I don’t share. His desire to become a parent has deepened my feelings for him in ways I never expected. Maybe this is what people talk about when they say they fall in love again after their children are born.

In large part, our application was completed in record time because of his determination to make this happen. We turned it all in to our agency and patted ourselves on the back.

Then there was nothing to do — except wait.

Did you hear anything yet?
Why does it take so long?
Did you hear anything yet?
Are you sure this is all legit?
Did you hear anything yet?
I’m sure you’ll get pregnant, now that your paperwork is finished.
Did you hear anything yet?

No, we haven’t heard anything yet. We’re hoping (fingers crossed) that it will be next summer when we travel. For now, we simply have to wait our turn and figure out how to fill our time while we wait.

As you can imagine, it’s not always easy to just wait. As a culture, we are fairly accustomed to immediate gratification.

So how are we spending our paper-pregnancy time?

We’re reading adoption books (Adoption is a Family Affair: What Relatives and Friends Must Know is a favorite), general parenting books (we’re always looking for recommendations) and cultivating relationships with other waiting/adoptive families. There is nothing like the support of people who have gone through or are currently going through the same experience.

We’re taking classes to make sure we’re at the highest salary possible when our child arrives, making some much-needed home improvements, and now re-doing lots of paperwork because it needs to be renewed annually.

But mostly, we’re just waiting.

Our friends and family are all trying to be patient and supportive, only occasionally raising the when question. This experience is new to them, too, and they want to stay involved and help us in our wait. Love is all around.

Sometimes though, they admit that they forget that we’re expecting. They apologize and ask about the timeline and procedures. But truth be told, sometimes I forget too. There is no baby bump or physical change, no big nesting urge or due date. At this point, we don’t even have a referral, so there isn’t even a picture of our waiting child.

Right now, our pregnancy is still a completely paper one.

Through this process, I’m learning a lot about myself. For starters, I am slowly developing the ability to not need to know what is going to happen next and to not feel defensive because I don’t have all of the answers. My faith in what is to be has been repeatedly tested and I haven’t come completely undone.

My heart is opening in unexpected ways: I’ve been able to accept the support of friends and family, and to look inside for acceptance of who I am without judgment. I know I’ll need these skills once I become a parent.

Yoga is actually helping the most. By practicing living in this moment, not trying to anticipate what will happen, the waiting becomes much more bearable. I’m trying to cultivate the feeling that life unfolds and to remember that forcing or pressing adds to the suffering.

Building your family through adoption is a long process that requires a lot of love, compassion, support and patience. I’m happy to know I’m not on this journey alone.

Tami Hackbarth is a full-time public school teacher in Northern California. When she’s not bossing kids around, she also teaches yoga to people who think it’s not for them. She is pursuing an advanced degree in resting, storytelling and social media. She can be found on Twitter and at her blog: Teacher Goes Back to School.

21 Months and Counting – Guest Post

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Today I have a guest post over at BeckyandHollee’s blog about our journey to parenthood via international adoption. If you are interested in international adoption, please check it out.

If you haven’t met Becky and Hollee yet, they are the authors of a soon to be released book called: Good Enough is the New Perfect. I don’t know about you, but the title alone makes me want to read it!