Tag Archives: new parenthood

Letting Go of What Used to Be and Embracing What Is

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Today I have plagued with a touch of sadness of what used to be. I’d get up, get ready, go to work and come home and do whatever I felt like doing. Sometimes going to yoga, sometimes watching TV and sometimes talking for hours on the phone with girlfriends in other cities.

I’d also work on school projects and connect with other teachers about lessons for my class and respond to emails from families.

Connecting with others through blogging and social media online and in person were some of my favorite things to do. Who doesn’t love a long lunch or an extended happy hour?

The only thing controlling my time and how I spent it was me.

Even my husband didn’t make a lot of demands on my time. We somehow fell into a comfortable flow of me time, them time and our time over the course of our decade and a half long relationship.

Fast forward a month + into parenthood and it’s dawning on me that I’m not the one in charge anymore. In order for me to meet the needs of my family I need to simply be available to them when they need me. And for now, they need me most of the time.

While I am no longer able to be spontaneous and available to others, I am answering the call of a little dependent person. Something I’ve never done before.

I feel like I am disappointing others because things are not what they used to be and I’m sad to have to let go of my identity of always reliable go-to friend and feel a bit disappointed in myself for not being able to have things like they were.

And yet, really happy to have my new role as mama.

For now  – I am increasing my tolerance for other people’s disappointment. {The words of my lovely friend Michelle from Love Wasting Time}

So I am trying to let go of what used to be and embracing what is and trying not to contribute to my own suffering for wanting things to be any different than what they are.

I am hoping this isn’t sounding like a whiny rant or a plea for sympathy, I am just noticing a huge, yet subtle change in my life and thought I would share.

How do you embrace change in your life?

How did you transition into your role as a parent?

Reflection: Our First Month With Ruby

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Yesterday during my day long cryfest  yoga retreat, I had some time to reflect on my first month of parenthood.

The Good:

Ruby’s laugh – honestly I’ve never hear a sound that makes me happier.

Ruby’s smile.

Her lips.

Her cheeks.

The look on her face first thing when she wakes up – like she’s been waiting for this moment her whole life.

Baby babble: mommomomomomomomom

The clapping.

Licking books.

Giving me a book over and over to read again and again {current favorites: Good Night Gorilla, The Foot Book, I Am A Bunny, and Brown Bear, Brown Bear.}

Pounding the table at meal time for MORE. NOW. PLEASE.

Her high level of enthusiasm for baths.

Pulling herself up using your pant legs and hugging our knees.

Tiny baby feet.

Her Mongolian spot.

Constantly being reminded what needs attention in this moment – sweeping under the bird-cage, turning off the electronics, closing all the drawers – mostly a cuddle with mama.

The Bad:

Worry much? Friends, I am a worrier by nature and since we’ve invited our little nugget into our house I’ve turned the worry dial up to 11 on many a nights. Holy crap – nothing is too small or too big.

The disrupted sleep. The baby sleeps great, but between the worry and the moving, kicking, flopping etc I barely get a wink.

The lack of yoga class. People, yoga at home is awesome, but the community of others? underrated when you haven’t spoken to anyone higher than your knee in a long while.

My body hurts – between the worry, the contortionist sleeping, the picking up and walking around with 17 extra pounds – mama needs a massage STAT!

The Ugly:

One more than one occasion I asked if I needed to brush my hair before I left home. {the answer is always yes. I know, I know}.

The kitchen floor under her high chair.

The front of all her clothes by mid-day. Drool much?

Diapers are disgusting. That is all.

+++++

Thank you for being there for us this first crazy month. We feel so loved and well taken care of. We’re starting to get out and about more and having visitors more regularly, so if you see us around or want to make a date – give us a shout out.

XO.