Tag Archives: anxiety

Saturday Senses

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tasting :: homemade soups and chili at our quarterly staff potluck

hearing :: peer tutoring in math {kindness first!}

smelling :: rain, rain, rain

seeing :: a dent in our huge pile of adoption paperwork

feeling :: stretched too thin

wishing/hoping :: we’ll be finished with our adoption paperwork by the end of the week

What about you?

What are your senses this Saturday?

Looking back, how was your week?

Leave a comment and tell me all about it. I’d seriously love to hear about your week. Now’s not the time to be shy.

This weekly tradition inspired by Pink of Perfection’s Five Sense Friday.

Don’t forget to click the links!

 

There Are Monsters All Up In There!

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At 4:30 am I woke up from an awful dream. I was scheduled to teach a yoga class and it was at the house where I grew up. The room where I was to be teaching was longer and more narrow than I remembered, so I switched to another room only to find it stuffed full of furniture and people waiting.

There were couches and coffee table after coffee table after coffee table, and dining room tables. A bar had been set up and needed to be moved and even coffee and Danish.

And did I mention all the people?

Even my dad was there. He said he wanted to try yoga. He’d heard from someone it’s really good for you and since I’m teaching now, he was there for my class.

Are you effing kidding me?

My dad?

The people just kept coming. They didn’t have their mats or their clothes or any of their yoga stuff. There was a sense of anticipation.The time kept ticking and the furniture moving was going at a snail’s pace.

When would we start? How would we ever begin with all the talking, milling about, furniture moving? How would we fit everyone there?

Everyone kept asking me questions…. thinking I was in charge. Like I knew what to do in these strange circumstances. Like I WAS IN CHARGE….

I kept reminding myself to breathe and that it would be ok.

Except I didn’t even believe myself.

I guess my Monsters are trying to tell me something.

It’s now 5am, I’m blogging and I’ve got heartburn.

I guess you could say I’m losing my freaking marbles about subbing for Michelle (my badass, seemingly perfect, rock star teacher) .

I guess you could say that I’m feeling like I need to plan the perfect class and prepare for everything that may happen.

I need to find the perfect story/poem to start the class.

I need to come up with the perfect sequence for every single person in the class.

I need to know every modification and prop to support every person in every pose.

I need to say the perfect words for every pose and have witty, but not too witty banter between poses.

Simply put, I need ME to be perfect.

Can someone talk to my MONSTERS for me?

I am having trouble getting through.

Michelle said she felt better after she let hers rant and rave for a while.

Me?

I’ve just got heartburn.

Yoga+Music365 (day14) – Trouble in Mind by Hayes Carll

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Last night I attended the kick off meeting for my half marathon training. There were hundreds of people (or at least it looked that way) wedged into the Fleet Feet on J Street to hear all about our upcoming training.

I signed up for this right after Christmas while my jeans were feeling a little more snug than they should and before I started my Yoga+Music365 challenge. Plus I’m turning 40 the weekend after the race and what a better way to usher in my new decade.

Right?

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

I’ve never done this kind of thing before, I don’t know anyone and they kept talking about “injury-free” training.

Why have I signed up for something with a warning label?

I’ll admit it. My training schedule scared me. In the next 8 weeks I’ll be going from walking one night a week to walking 7, 8, 10, and 12 miles AT A TIME!

There is some good news in all of this. 

Instead of striving for a sexier group (read more advanced/competitive/cool), I signed up in the walking group. Believe me, this is  a huge step in my yogic path.

Stay tuned for more adventures in training over the next couple of months.

Today’s yoga brought to you by the home practice in Sacramento.  Damn dentist appointment.

Today’s music is Trouble in Mind by Hayes Carll.

Each Saturday I’ll share my thoughts on the music of the week in the MUSIC ROUNDUP!

Don’t forget FREE Fridays at 4:30 with the new It’s All Yoga teachers (21st and X in Sacramento) – you’ve got to sign up online www.itsallyoga.com. 

Worry list

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I thought I would share a current list of things that are weighing on my brain. Maybe getting them out of my head will help sort them out and give me some perspective.

1. Our adoption. I’m worried it’s not actually going to happen. In the words of Tom Petty, “The waiting is the hardest part.” Indeed.

2. Next school year…. Will I be teaching? Where will I be teaching? What grade will I be teaching?

Seems some changes may be happening and if I’m going to be teaching I’d like to know now who, what and where. Not so much on the last minute changes by other people. Just sayin.

3. If our adoption does go through in the next few months, how will I survive the travel? 

Jet lag + humidity + extreme heat + anxiety = bad news for Tami.

4. How will I handle the transition to parenthood? Will we really be able to live on one income?

5. Will I teach yoga? Where will that take me?

6. Ok, the thinking about the extreme Thailand heat got me thinking about the summer weather here. Will I ever get used to the heat in Sacramento? I really hate it. Seriously. Once it starts, sometimes I feel like it’s never going to stop and that freaks me out.

Letting go a little improves life. Letting go a lot brings happiness and joy. — Jim McGregor

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Letting go for me is a relatively recent phenomenon. Up until about a year ago, I was your go-to gal for righting the wrongs in life – big and small. You could hardly find a fight where I didn’t have a dog in the ready or a sword to fall on. However, I realized I was exhausted from carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. As a result, I’ve been practicing letting things go.

In the beginning it was really hard to let things go. I definitely had to practice. In fact, it was a serious fake it, til you make it kind of a deal. Someone would do or say something stupid and I’d have to make a choice on how to react. Most times I’d mutter to myself through clenched teeth, “Whatevs” or “Look at me, letting it go…”

You know what I learned from letting things go? The world kept revolving, the sun came up, the seasons changed and life just kept on going. I also learned I felt better about the world. I slept better. My face started to clear up and my back muscles were more relaxed. I laughed more and I had more fun.

I thought I had this beast tamed until I started this program. The anxiety around teaching and the pressure to get all the work done — and failing miserably despite my efforts not to —  was really wearing me down. It was coming out in how I was treating myself and dredging up all those yucky feelings of not being good enough.  Not fun.

I talked to my teacher about my feelings and she gave me some really good perspective. She reminded me that we aren’t working in the emergency room, so no one’s life is at stake. I was glad for the reminder that we’re not saving babies here. She offered loving words of encouragement, told me that I didn’t sound nearly as maniacal as I felt and that over time I’d feel more comfortable teaching.

So rather than grip to those anxious feelings and let them keep me from teaching, I decided to jump back in. Yesterday I opened a small class with some other TTs. I spent my 15 minutes guiding my students through some gentle movements and offering a reading as a theme for our practice. While I was in the front of the group I decided to just do what felt good and to breathe. A lot. Admittedly, there may have been too many audible sighs, but I suppose that’s better than not enough.

The point being, I taught yoga without freaking out!

Lighten up, Francis.  –words to live by.