Tag Archives: fear

What Scares Me Most…

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Before I got my teaching credential, at my husband’s insistence, I spent some time working as a substitute teacher. One day, while working in a kindergarten classroom I heard a voice outside my head say what, up until that point, had only said inside my head.

YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.

I paused, looked up from the group of adorable kindergarteners sitting at my knees and made eye contact with the speaker.

Huh?

YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.

Huh, that’s what I thought she said.

She made some hand motions and gave directions on how I could correct what I was doing.

I turned the book upside down from where it was and like magic, right.

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The important part of this story is the absolute absurdity of that sentence being said to me out loud by another adult.

YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.

And yet, in the moments right before I fall asleep these days, this exact thought is whispered in my own head.

YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.

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Apparently, I’m afraid I’m going to do it wrong with Ruby.

In my rational brain, I can clearly see this isn’t true. I know there isn’t a wrong way or a right way. There are just ways that work today and those that don’t. Things that work better for some kids and things that totally don’t work for that kid (and so you stop).

But it’s not my rational brain telling me YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. 

I’m pretty sure this is my inside voice, the one I’m not even clear who it belongs to.

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The other night in yoga class, Michelle, talked about the concept of satya or truth. What is true for your body today? What stories does your inner voice tell you? In other words, what kind of shit talking goes on about your limits or fears?

She said something about how the ego/bully voices are loud, aggressive and mean. The voice of truth is soft and kind, like a friend’s voice.

If you would like to listen (or play with idea for yourself, you can listen here).

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So here’s the deal on the comments today. I’m going to ask for what I need and what I don’t.

What I need: Please share how you talked yourself off this particular ledge – the abject fear of DOING IT WRONG. If you haven’t gotten off there, share that too. Knowing other people are afraid of the same things makes me less afraid.

Or you can simply tell me what scares you most.

What I don’t need: Reassurances that I’ll be a good mama, that’s not the issue, it’s the FEAR I’d like to address.

Trying Technology

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December 18 – Try

What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?

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2011

I want to try to use technology better next year. I’ve already committed to learning to use Skype over my winter break and have already lined up some people to help me figure it out.

What is your favorite can’t-live-without-it technology? What makes your life easier/more fun/productive?

Please note: NOTHING is too obvious. I practically have a stone tablet on my lap for getting these posts out. {Just sayin’ – I may be one of the models in the photo}.

Please share what you love and why you love it. Maybe you’ll convince me to try your favorite.

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2010

This year I wanted to try teaching yoga.

What happened?

At first, I totally freaked out.

Then I got a grip and I loved it.

I am so grateful for Michelle’s February Recess and her faith in my teaching.

I’m also glad I didn’t quit because I was afraid.

Teaching yoga has taught me things I wouldn’t have ever known otherwise.

So grateful.

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What did you try this year? How did it turn out?


(Author: Kaileen Elise)

Out of My Comfort Zone, Right into the Spotlight

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When was the last time you really left your comfort zone?

I’m not sure why, but I’ve found myself outside my comfort zone quite a lot this year and next weekend I will find myself there again.

This time with a microphone in my hand, standing in the spotlight.

Holy crap!

The studio where I work is celebrating its 5th Anniversary of being in business with a huge party and a talent show. It’s being billed as It’s All Yoga‘s Got Talent!

Staff and students are coming together for one night to showcase their hidden-until-now talents.

I laugh because in my case, “talent” may be a bit of a stretch. I’ll be singing along to a song with my sweetheart while he plays guitar.  He’s the real musician in our house and I’m totally riding on his coattails.

I chose the song {if you want to know you’ll have to come to the show!} and I’ll just say sometimes doing something outside your comfort zone can help expand the boundries of your comfort zone.

What scares you? 

Do  you typically face your fears or avoid them?

How do you feel when faced with a fear?

What do you do with those feelings?

{click on the images for source}

PS – You are all invited to the party {and to showcase your talent too}. If you’d like to come by, please RSVP so we know how much bubbly we need. I’m putting in my order for a bottle now!

Yoga+Music365 (day14) – Trouble in Mind by Hayes Carll

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Last night I attended the kick off meeting for my half marathon training. There were hundreds of people (or at least it looked that way) wedged into the Fleet Feet on J Street to hear all about our upcoming training.

I signed up for this right after Christmas while my jeans were feeling a little more snug than they should and before I started my Yoga+Music365 challenge. Plus I’m turning 40 the weekend after the race and what a better way to usher in my new decade.

Right?

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

I’ve never done this kind of thing before, I don’t know anyone and they kept talking about “injury-free” training.

Why have I signed up for something with a warning label?

I’ll admit it. My training schedule scared me. In the next 8 weeks I’ll be going from walking one night a week to walking 7, 8, 10, and 12 miles AT A TIME!

There is some good news in all of this. 

Instead of striving for a sexier group (read more advanced/competitive/cool), I signed up in the walking group. Believe me, this is  a huge step in my yogic path.

Stay tuned for more adventures in training over the next couple of months.

Today’s yoga brought to you by the home practice in Sacramento.  Damn dentist appointment.

Today’s music is Trouble in Mind by Hayes Carll.

Each Saturday I’ll share my thoughts on the music of the week in the MUSIC ROUNDUP!

Don’t forget FREE Fridays at 4:30 with the new It’s All Yoga teachers (21st and X in Sacramento) – you’ve got to sign up online www.itsallyoga.com. 

I’ve got issues.

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The actual teaching part of the teacher training is kicking my butt. When it’s my turn to teach a pose or two for my fellow tts or during this weekend, our new mamas-to-be, I feel light-headed and I have a hard time hearing anything besides my heart pounding in my ears and my inner critics. Plural. There is so much internal chatter going on that I can’t even really hear exactly what is being said, however I know none of it is complimentary.

Time slows down and I’m no longer able to judge how long we’ve held each pose or if I’m talking too much or too little. Do I sound like I know what I’m talking about? Does my imagery make sense? Is my nervous energy oozing out of every pore or does it just feel like it?  Are they having fun? Why aren’t I? I have fun when I take class. I love yoga so much when other people teach it, why do I struggle so much to enjoy teaching it?

Even when I’m watching the teachers before and after my poses, I have a hard time being in the moment. I’m too focused on what I feel like I’ve done well and beating myself up for anything I feel I didn’t.

To say I experience great anxiety, self-doubt and anxiety would be putting it lightly. I experience something close to dread when it’s time to teach yoga. It’s “funny” given that I teach as my chosen profession and that I truly love the teaching part of my job.

I’m watching my fellow It’s All Yoga Teacher Trainees find their teaching footing and I’m in awe. So many of them are developing their voice and confidence, taking all opportunities to teach with grace and confidence. It’s like watching a bunch of flowers sprout from bulbs in the spring.

I’m feeling the opposite about myself. The crazy thing is that the further into the teacher training, the more my anxiety grows. I feel less ready to take the reins than I did the first day when I felt my teaching experience really benefitted me. Now I feel that experience is so different that it isnt’ as applicable as I first thought it would be. In theory they are very alike, but in practice, I’m finding much less so.

I am having a hard time figuring out exactly where this all comes from. A list of possibilities include: general perfectionist tendencies, feeling like I don’t have the expertise of my teachers (or fellow tts) so why am I in the front of the room? – hello, self-doubt!, not enough time to prepare, etc.