Category Archives: A Yoga Story

Music Roundup! Week 1

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 Starting today, each Saturday I’ll share my thoughts on the music of the week. Please keep in mind I am not a music critic, just a girl with a musical obsession that needs to be tempered.

Yoga+Music365 is my effort to expand my musical horizons by listening to a new album every day in 2010.

I’m always looking for new music, so please send me the titles of albums that you absolutely can not live without, albums you wish were on everyone’s iPods and albums you play over and over despite no one else “getting it”.

The albums don’t have to be new releases, just new to me.

NOTE: I’m linking to MySpace when it’s available because of the ease of listening to songs, not because of a love of MySpace.

MUSIC ROUNDUP!

Day One:

Title: 500 Days of Summer Soundtrack

Highlights:

There is a Light that Never Goes Off – The Smiths

 Mushaboom – Feist

Us – Regina Spektor (link included video of this and the next song and movie preview – BONUS!)

Vagabond Wolfmother

You Make My Dreams – Hall and Oates – If you haven’t seen this movie, this scene is worth the price of admission. Seriously, watch it NOW!

Will I listen again?

Without a doubt!

Day Two:

Title: Furr by Blitzen Trapper

Highlights:

1. Sleepy Time in the Western World (every album should start so strong)

2. Furr – very Beatles, Simon & Garfunkel-esque. LOVE IT!

3. God+Suicide (the title alone wins)

4. Black River Killer (Why oh why, do I so enjoy the songs about killing people?)

Will I listen again?

Absolutely!

Day Three:

Title: In Our Nature by Jose Gonzalez

Highlights:

1. How Low

Will I listen again?

Jose Gonzalez was recommended to be by a friend because of how much I love Elliot Smith‘s breathy/folky “only meant for lover’s ears” kinds of songs. JG didn’t do much for me. Not to say he isn’t a talented musician because he is, he just isn’t my cup of tea.

Plus he has an 8 (!) minute song on a 33 minute record. I guess he didn’t get my very personal memo about the brilliance of the 3 minute song.

Will I listen again? Maybe. We’ll see what other gems are uncovered this year.

Day Four:

Title: My Maudlin Career by Camera Obscura

Highlights:

1. French Navy (Just trying listening without tapping your foot or shaking your butt.)

2. Away with Murder

3. Forests and Sand

4. Honey in the Sun

Will I listen again?

I already am!

Tracyanne Campbell sounds like an angel, plus it’s catchy & you can dance to it!

Day Five:

Title: Narrow Stairs by Death Cab for Cutie (full disclosure: I’ve heard it before, just not in 2010. For some reason I LOVE this band name. Why? I really don’t know).

Highlights:

Radio hits galore!

1. I Will Possess Your Heart

2. Cath…

Will I listen again?

Um, yeah. And so will you if you listen to “alternative” commercial radio. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s nice for good music to come on the radio sometimes.

Day Six:

Title: Flower of Avalon by Tracy Grammer

Highlights:

1. Laughlin Boy

2. Preston Miller

Will I listen again?

She has a beautiful voice – very much like Margo Timmins of the Cowboy Junkies. So I’ll probably stick with Margo and play “Lay It Down” when I want to hear the Cowboy Junkies.

 Day Seven:

Title: Here We Come by The Fratellis

Highlights:

1. Shameless (very Big Star. Yes, Big Star that did that 70’s show song)

2. Look Out Sunshine!

3. Babydoll

4. Acid Jazz Singer

Will I listen again?

YES!

Please leave a comment about what you think I should be listening to this year.

Or send me a CD – Yoga+Music365 c/o Tami Hackbarth PO BOX 188616 Sacramento, CA 95818.

Today’s yoga brought to you by: The Kitchen! in Sacramento. All kidding aside, it’s a home practice day.

Today’s music is The Reminder by Feist.

 

Yoga+Music365 (day7) – Here We Stand by The Fratellis

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I love January.

Most people think of January as the beginning of the year, the time of year for resolutions and self-improvement. But as a teacher, it is pretty much the midpoint.

I spend the first half of the year filling them up with information, procedures and expectations. Some kids can keep up with the quick pace from the start. Some kids can’t.

But then I send them home for winter break and it finally all sinks in.

My students are finally mine.

Every year in January I’m surprised how much my class comes together. I’m surprised how much we’ve become a real community. We’ve finally learned how to work well together, how to get our work finished and what behavior works and what doesn’t.

By this time of the year, I always feel connected to my students and I am proud of their accomplishments. It’s so nice to see them become more independent learners and to really start to take charge of their learning.

It’s my hope that one day, I will finally remember that my class really becomes mine, in January.

Today’s yoga brought to you by Madeleine at It’s All Yoga, Sacramento. <ROCKS>

Today’s music is Here We Stand by The Fratellis.

Yoga+Music365 (day6) – Flower of Avalon by Tracy Grammer

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I slept horribly last night. It was hard to turn off my head and fall asleep. I woke up several times and had a hard time turning my head off to go back to sleep. The alarm went off way too early today. Needless to say, the adrenaline of returning to school has gone.

Self-care?

Ugh.

All this self-care mindfulness is working!  Rather than sitting on the couch waiting for bedtime to arrive, I went to a yoga class and a walk with a friend. So thank you readers for getting my butt off the couch.

Yoga = Kim at It’s All Yoga – (check out the “Word of the Year”). Check out the comments and leave your word of the year.

Kim reminded us that our practice is a good way to witness our thoughts and patterns. We were working on balance poses today. She kindly reminded us to not get too attached one way or the other to the outcome.  So nice to have someone telling you again and again what you need to hear.

She also gave some incredibly clear and concise instruction for Vasisthasana. I got into the pose feeling very balanced and strong – what a huge difference!  

Today’s Music: Flowers of Avalon Tracy Grammer

Stayed tuned for the weekly music roundup and my love letter to the yoga props I love.

Please let me know what you like and want to hear more about.

Yoga+Music365 (day5) – Narrow Stairs by Death Cab for Cutie

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Starting today, each Tuesday I’ll share an easy, nutritious recipe so you can join me in the home-cooked self-care.

One of the ways that helps me feel really cared for is home cooking. I’m not a huge foodie or someone who likes to spend a lot of time in the kitchen. I do, however get a huge sense of accomplishment from having cooked and a huge sense of comfort from having eaten healthy, nutritious food.

Breakfast sets the tone for the rest of my day. If I eat a warm, home-cooked breakfast I usually end of eating well the rest of the day. When I do this frequently, my immune system stays intact and I don’t catch every plague that comes into my classroom. Or at least it doesn’t kill me like it used to.

Today’s recipe is from my friend Suzan whose daughter runs New Leaf Ayurveda. While I haven’t been out to the center myself, I have eaten some of their Food For Friends meals – delicious!

SPICED APPLES

Serves 1

Cube one apple

Put apple in saucepan

Cover with filtered water

Throw in a couple of whole cloves, some vanilla, and lots of cinnamon

Cook apples until soft and water has evaporated.

Remove cloves mash apple with a masher.

Eat.

I like to stir in some quinoa or leftover brown rice, Udo’s oil, ricotta cheese and sliced almonds for a well-rounded breakfast. 

Whenever I eat this at school my students always comment that it smells like apple pie. I have to agree!

Today’s yoga = Viparita Karani on my new Hugger Mugger (god, I love that name!) bolster.

Yep, just one pose.

But it’s a really, really good one.

Try it!

Please leave me a comment about anything you like or want to know more about.

***1/6/09 edit

I forgot the music link – Death Cab for Cutie.

  

  

 

Yoga+Music365 (day4) – My Maudlin Career by Camera Obscura

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Today I returned to work after more than two weeks off. The real self-care challenge begins now that I’ve been pushed out of the comfy nest of my house back into the real world.

I’m happy to report that the self-care plan continued!

Setting limits on pre-work screen time helped me start the day without being late, nutritious food kept me fueled and recognizing that my students work at a way slower pace the first day from vacation helped me ease back into work more smoothly than in the past.

Today’s music link: Camera Obscura.

Today’s yoga brought to you by It’s All Yoga in Sacramento.

In the coming weeks I’ll be adding some regular posts on yoga and self-care. Topics I’m thinking about are:

  •  A weekly music round-up
  • Yoga props and how I use them
  • My favorite yoga and/or poetry books
  • Nourishing, yet tasty and easy recipes
  • Self-massage tips (keep it clean, people!)
  • General self-care ideas
  • Anything else you are interested in. Just let me know what you are interested in reading.

One of my supportive commenters, Mamasattva, asked for music links. You ask and you shall receive!

Yoga+Music365 (day3) – In Our Nature by Jose Gonzalez

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My inner teacher this morning would like to share some insights that came up during class today. Just a warning, not all insights are pleasant or very “yoga” like (whatever that means)…

TARDINESS

Here’s a pet peeve… if you are new to a studio and need to fill out the new student form, wouldn’t it be a good idea to get to the studio a few minutes before class starts? I am just saying that your late arrival didn’t just inconvenience you. The people who planned and actually got to class on time all have to shift their mats to make room for you.

Not the end of the world, however in case you are wondering if that bugged anyone, it did.

YOUR FAVORITE FRAGRANCE

Just yesterday I wondered who wears perfume because of all the advertisements I was choking on while trying to read a magazine. I thought, I don’t think I know a single person that wears perfume daily. I wonder if the perfume companies are hurting for money…. (don’t mock me for my stupid thoughts, you know you have them too).

Well, silly me. When you ask the universe a question, even a silly one like who still wears perfume – the universe feels compelled to answer it.

This morning’s yoga class gave me my answer. I found out that someone still wears perfume.

A LOT.

It didn’t hit me until I was coming up from a forward bend and my nose started dripping on my mat. Snot literally dripping out of my nose onto the mat. Fast! Like I can’t even catch it fast. Disgusting, I know. Imagine how I felt! As I rushed back to grab a tissue, I looked for the culprit and was unable to figure out who was offending my nostrils. 

The perfume in question was a lovely scent, however probably more appropriate anywhere in the world other than a hugely crowded beginning of the year yoga class.

No one is smelling like roses at the end of the class, so let’s not try to begin the class that way either.

COMPETITION

Don’t think I am just bitching about others. 

Wasn’t it just the other day when I was talking about how I never left a yoga class feeling worse than when I went in?

Again, it’s like I was just tempting the universe to prove me wrong.

I kept looking at other people on their mats and comparing myself to them. I know this kind of thinking isn’t popular in yoga circles, but sometimes it just happens. Or at least it happens to me.

I was thinking why can they do that twisty around thingy when I am having trouble sitting this morning?

They even seem to be enjoying this ridiculous amount of flow… Hey wait a minute! We never do this much flow… why are we now?

I HATE FLOW! That’s it, I’m not doing any more….

My inner teacher spoke loudly to me today.  I think she reminded me that if I want to not bugged by tardiness, perfume and competition maybe I need to spend a bit more time in my kitchen being my own teacher.

Anyone else have any yoga class pet peeves?

Yoga+Music365 (day2) – Furr by Blitzen Trapper

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I feel so very virtuous! I practiced yoga all by myself at home for 45 minutes and it didn’t feel like a chore, weird, lonely or anything else negative. I also didn’t feel awkward or fumble around for what to do next (all of which has happened in the past).

This is a huge deal for me because I’ve been so spoiled by finding such amazing teachers in Sacramento. It’s All Yoga has an embarrassment of riches in this way and by working the front desk, I get all the free yoga I can do.

But let’s be honest, sometimes classes don’t fit into your schedule or you just can’t be bothered to get all the way dressed or your hair just isn’t public ready and so you’ve got to do your own practice at home. Believe me, I know it sounds crazy and like a big hassle. And honestly when others do such a great job teaching why should I do it for myself?

Check out my post on starting a home practice to see my reasoning.

All that being said, not everyone knows where to start a home practice. Since I totally have been resisting doing one even though it was a requirement in my yoga teacher training, I figure I should share what is making it possible for me.

1. I’ve got some sequences written just for me by my yoga study buddy Erin. She rocks and is one of the people teaching free Fridays at 4:30 at It’s All Yoga, so if you are lucky enough to go when she’s teaching, she’ll love you up too. I’ll share her magic sequence from today.

2. I have a yoga mat that is so squishy and sticky and yummy it begs me to use it. Long story short, I’ve been test driving a Jade Harmony Professional mat over the last few months at the studio. The company is on Facebook and Twitter and they like to give stuff away. Jade sent me a teacher demo blemished mat in Sedona Red (and I was supposed to give it to my husband but,)  I love its blemish.  In fact, I think it’s little hiccup stripe makes it even more beautiful.

PS – I love social media and have won so much stuff on Facebook and Twitter that now I think of it as the magic universe.

Here’s the lovely sequence from Erin. Yes, we were talking menu metaphors when we were writing these =)

Appetizer

Start in CR (constructive rest) with lazy belly breaths, landing, arriving

Knees to chest arms out to a ‘t’ – lower knees to either side and bringing them back in with strong belly exhalation (3-5 times each side)

Back to CR, breathe

Opposite arm/leg extensions using breath (from Mary Paffard Belly Work Article)

*exhale as you extend right leg and left arm out straight, inhale extended, and exhale to bring the limbs back to CR (3-5 for each side)

 Salad

Roll spine to come to Uttanasana

reverse swan dive up

exhale hands to heart

full breath cycle @ heart

inhale arms sweep back up, baby backbend

exhale Uttanasana

inhale flat back

exhale Uttanasana

step back into playful, squirmy Adho Mukha Svanasana

Entrée

When you’re ready, right leg lunge

Virabhadrasana I and hold for some breaths (belly belly belly)

Clasp hands or strap behind back (shoulder opener)

Lower torso down to inside of thigh with arms clasped behind pointing toward ceiling

Hold for a couple breath cycles as comfy

Exhale upright, release arms and raise them back to Virabhadrasana I

(heart feel more open than first Virabhadrasana I?)

Dog

Flow: Plank, Chaturanga Dandasana, Cobra/up dog, Down Dog

Step to Uttanasana

 REPEAT SALAD

REPEAT ENTRÉE on Left side

 Cheese Plate

Balasana

To Belly with limbs fully extended, raising opposite Arm/Leg with inhales, releasing with exhales (4-5 times each side)  *Similar to how we started except on the belly.

Balasana

Come onto back, knees to chest, gentle rolls

Figure 4 stretch w/ right leg on top

Figure 4 with twist (sole of right foot to floor on left side, looking right)

Repeat on Left and anything else you need/feel like doing before Savasana

 Dessert

Savasana (10 mins)

Yoga+Music365 (day1) – 500 Days of Summer Soundtrack

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Yesterday I made my big proclamation that I would do some yoga and listen to new music every day in 2010.  I’m calling it the Yoga+Music365.

Today during class at It’s All Yoga (where else?), Michelle spoke about all things “new year” – resolutions, intentions, to-do’s, shoulds, cultural expectations and this got me thinking about my reasoning for taking on this self-imposed yoga+music challenge.

To be honest, I got caught up in the Best of 2009 Challenge fever of writing about my previously unkept resolutions and decided to try last year’s again. Of course with the added twist of the additional 11 months.

How hard could this be anyway? I made it a whole 19 days last year before I got sick and gave up.

Then it sunk in that I had just announced to the universe that I was going to do something every day for a year.

What if something came up and I couldn’t do one or both?

Did I just commit myself to another thing?

Aren’t I already overcommitted?

What if I don’t feel like it?

What if I failed?

Gulp.

So after class today I talked to Michelle. It became clear to me why I was swimming in fear on day one because on the surface it just doesn’t make sense.

I love yoga. It feels great. I’ve never felt worse after a class or even rolling out on my mat at home. In fact, I can say yoga has never failed to actually make me feel better. So that’s not it.

My little music experiment last year expanded my horizons so much that I’m still listening to some mix CDs friends made me and loving them.  If I hadn’t gone on my Old97’s fast last year,  I wouldn’t have ever been introduced to Ryan Adams or Andrew Bird or Neko Case, so that’s not it.

In talking to Michelle, I realized that yoga and music are really good self-care for me. When all planets are aligned i.e. — I go to bed early, sleep well, eat healthy food, listen to music, write, read, exercise, do yoga, play with my friends, and laugh — I am a very happy girl.

When I don’t, I’m not.

Ultimately, I think I am taking on this challenge so that I will be reminded to put my self-care as a top priority in my life.

So here is to a year of doing less of what doesn’t serve me and doing more of what does.

Resolution #best09

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This is the last of the Best of 2009 Blog Challenge. I finished 16 out of 31 prompts. Not too shabby considering I found this challenge on December 27th!  Here’s to better planning next year.

Taking the time to reflect on the past year in this way has helped me see what a great year it was. I blame all of you for that!

December 31 Resolution you wish you’d stuck with. (You know, there’s always next year…)

I’m not a big resolution maker. At least not a public one. I, like most people, failed to keep them year after year, so I eventually stopped making them.

Until last year.

By the end of December last year, I’d had a really good run of consistent yoga classes and I was feeling amazing. I decided that I would try to do some yoga every day in January. I figured I would start small – just a month – to see how it went. I made a spread sheet to keep track of my progress and did pretty well for the first few weeks until I got a virus,  broke my resolution and abandoned the project.

The second part of my secret non-resolution project was a bit more successful. After years of spending all my music hours almost exclusively on The Old97’s and Rhett Miller solo albums (Best Night Out and Best Album of 2009 – oh look! 2 more prompts just answered!), I decided to use January to expand my musical horizons.

During my Old97’s fast I listened to a new album a day. New didn’t necessarily mean newly released, it meant a different album everyday in January. I made it farther than with the yoga, however I still didn’t manage new music everyday.

This year, I’ve decided to try both these projects again(without the 97s fast!), but this time for the whole year.

In 2010, I am going to do some sort of  yoga and listen to new music everyday.

Please leave comments about classes I should go to, teachers you find inspiring, poses you love and music I shouldn’t miss. Hell, if you come across a book you can’t stop reading, be sure to tell me about that too!

Sometimes I get stuck in a rut and I’m counting on all of you to help me diversify.

YOGA! cluster #best09

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For me, 2009 was the year of coming out of the yoga closet. Before this year, I’d been quietly practicing on and off for the last decade or so. In thinking what changed for me, I’d have to say it was my changing relationship with my favorite yoga studio, It’s All Yoga, in Sacramento.

In 2009, I really made IAY my second home. It all started mid 2008 when I began my career as a Desk Diva and that summer the studio relocated 6 blocks from my house. Those two things changed everything!

Suddenly I was able to go to as many classes as I wanted with all the amazing, inspiring and let’s be honest – funny! – teachers and that made me want to share all of the yoga yummy-ness with everyone I know. I couldn’t keep yoga to myself any longer!

Workshops, partner classes, book club, movie night, creek cleanup, birthday parties, fundraisers, teacher training…. I did it all in 2009.

Creek Clean

Creek Clean - the kill

The following are a cluster of Best of 2009 Blog Challenge prompts about yoga, yoga, yoga.

December 6 Workshop or conference. Was there a conference or workshop you attended that was especially beneficial? Where was it? What did you learn?

The Serene Heart with Mary Paffard – Working with upekkha, or equanimity, in all aspects of yoga. I wrote about this workshop in my Not Losing Your Marbles During the Holidays post.

The morning of Mary’s workshop I posted my Yoga Manifesto – Part 1 – REST.

Rest

December 8 Moment of peace. An hour or a day or a week of solitude. What was the quality of your breath? The state of your mind? How did you get there?

Short answer. Yoga!

December 9 Challenge. Something that really made you grow this year. That made you go to your edge and then some. What made it the best challenge of the year for you?

Yoga school while teaching. See the Saturation Point.

December 18 Shop. Online or offline, where did you spend most of your mad money this year?

Here’s a partial sampling of the yoga workshops and special classes I attended this year:

  • New Year’s Day with Michelle Marlahan
  • Valentine’s Day Partners with Michelle Marlahan
  • Earth Day partners with Michelle Marlahan
  • Chakras Workshop with Madeleine Lohman
  • Tapas with Mary Paffard
  • Yoga for Holiday Stress with Madeleine Lohman
  • Serene Heart Mary Paffard 
  • Anatomy Parts I and II with Baxter Bell
Trees

Valentine's Day

December 24 Learning experience. What was a lesson you learned this year that changed you?

Learning to teach yoga. Really to share what I love with others. That’s what this blog is all about.

Adjusting

Adjusting

December 25 Gift. What’s a gift you gave yourself this year that has kept on giving?

Short answer: Yoga!

Quaddog!

 

 

Ad #best09

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December 30 Ad.

What advertisement made you think this year

This lululemon ad caught my attention. I wanted to know what it said.

It didn’t make me buy the product, but it did make me stop and think.

Some people have very strong feelings about this company.

I don’t.

Mostly because I don’t wear fancy yoga clothes. I don’t think they’re necessary in order to have a yoga practice. I can’t really afford expensive yoga wear (I’d rather travel) and I’m pretty sure their clothes wouldn’t flatter my more mature womanly curves.

In any case, this ad made me take a look.

Yogi to (Half) Marathoner

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I signed up for a half marathon training through Fleet Feet in Sacramento. I have been quietly thinking about joining a training group like this for months and without over-thinking (and talking myself out of ) the whole thing, I committed myself to training at least twice a week from January to March.

This is a huge deal for me because I have been only doing yoga as exercise for a couple of years now. And from what you know about my kind of yoga, most of it has involved laying down.

Truth be told, I’m a little nervous. I’ve never been a runner, jogger or even regular walker. I’m not really sure what I’ve gotten myself into. As of right now, I don’t know anyone else doing this training. I’ve never done a big event like this before and I’m pretty sure 13.1 miles is a long way, even if you are just walking!

I signed up for the Tuesday night and Saturday morning workouts. My goal is to learn how to do a run/walk, however  right now I’m in the walkers group.

The big event takes place the weekend before my big 4-0. I guess I’ll have a lot to celebrate!

12 Days of Yoga

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Campus Martius Christmas Tree

On the first day of yoga

My true love sent to me

A monthly unlimited pass.

On the second day of yoga

My true love sent to me

Two warriors

And a monthly unlimited pass.

On the third day of yoga

My true love sent to me

Three handstands

Two warriors

And a monthly unlimited pass

On the fourth day of yoga

My true love sent to me

Four triangles

Three handstands

Two warriors

And a monthly unlimited pass

On the fifth day of yoga

My true love sent to me

Five SV-AS-A-NAS!

Four triangles

Three handstands

Two warriors

And a monthly unlimited pass.

On the sixth day of yoga

My true love sent to me

Six Tadasanas

Five SV-AS-A-NAS!

Four triangles

Three handstands

Two warriors

And a monthly unlimited pass.

On the seventh day of yoga

My true love sent to me

Seven upward facing bows

Six Tadasanas

Five SV-AS-A-NAS!

Four triangles

Three handstands

Two warriors

And a monthly unlimited pass.

On the eighth day of yoga

My true love sent to me

Eight downward facing dogs

Seven upward facing bows

Six Tadasanas

Five SV-AS-A-NAS!

Four triangles

Three handstands

Two warriors

And a monthly unlimited pass.

On the ninth day of yoga

My true love sent to me

Nine legs up the walls

Eight downward facing dogs

Seven upward facing bows

Six Tadasanas

Five SV-AS-A-NAS!

Four triangles

Three handstands

Two warriors

And a monthly unlimited pass.

On the tenth day of yoga

My true love sent to me

Ten Vrksasanas

Nine legs up the walls

Eight downward facing dogs

Seven upward facing bows

Six Tadasanas

Five SV-AS-A-NAS!

Four triangles

Three handstands

Two warriors

And a monthly unlimited pass.

On the eleventh day of yoga

My true love sent to me

Eleven reverse warriors

Ten Vrksasanas

Nine legs up the walls

Eight downward facing dogs

Seven upward facing bows

Six Tadasanas

Five SV-AS-A-NAS!

Four triangles

Three handstands

Two warriors

And a monthly unlimited pass.

On the twelfth day of yoga

My true love sent to me

Twelve Chaturangas

Eleven reverse warriors

Ten Vrksasanas

Nine legs up the walls

Eight downward facing dogs

Seven upward facing bows

Six Tadasanas

Five SV-AS-A-NAS!

Four triangles

Three handstands

Two warriors

And a monthly unlimited pass.

It’s All Yoga – 21st and X Streets – Sacramento

My Yoga Manifesto – PART II- Kindness

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Like most people who come to yoga, I was first drawn to what I needed least from a yoga practice.

  • heat
  • intensity
  • power
  • competition

Too much heat and intensity for my already intense personality burnt me out quickly.  So I stopped going.

+++++

Manifesto – a public declaration of intentions, opinions, objectives, or motives, as one issued by a government, sovereign, or organization (or in this case yoga teacher).

II. KINDNESS

Eventually I found what I really need from a yoga practice – kindness.

You may be scratching your head wondering what the hell kindness has to do with stretching and contorting your body into funny shapes.

As it turns out, a lot.

Let me explain.

When I first started taking classes with Michelle at It’s All Yoga (Sacramento), I was struck by her warmth and friendliness. She’d always greet me with a hug – and by hug I mean a full body embrace (she gives the best hugs)– and welcome me to class like we were long-lost best friends.

kindness

Then before we’d begin class, Michelle would remind us to work somewhere between effort and ease. She’d invite us to explore how we felt in our bodies in the different poses and listen to what we needed to feel good in that moment.

Admittedly, at first I thought this was crazy talk.

Why would I come to yoga class and not do my best poses?

Why wouldn’t I push myself harder than I had the day before?

How would I ever get better at yoga?

In these early days with Michelle, she’d walk by my mat and lovingly put her hand on my shoulder and say “For you my friend, 70 percent.”

I tried to do what she said, but it felt so foreign.

Who was this person that didn’t want to see the best that I had to offer?

Didn’t she see that I could do more?

What did she know that I didn’t?

Over time, what I learned from Michelle is that yoga isn’t a performance.

It’s isn’t a competition – even with yourself.

That what you could do yesterday doesn’t really matter. Every time you do a pose it’s different because this moment is different from the last.

The only thing that really matters is the now.

Michelle’s kind reminders of “70 percent” were exactly what I needed to hear. I needed someone to teach me to be kinder to myself.

As it turns out, being kinder to myself is my yoga.

Michelle’s kindness is one of the reasons I’ve decided I want to teach yoga. I hope to touch the hearts of other people the way she has touched mine.

Simple Ways Not to Lose Your Marbles During the Holidays

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Today I took a workshop with Mary Paffard of Yoga Mendocino. She is the beloved teacher of many of my It’s All Yoga teachers. Mary comes to Sacramento occasionally to do workshops.

Today’s topic: The Serene Heart.

Here’s some of the highlights:

1. We (Westerners, Americans, you, me) need to rest more. (HA! I knew it!)

2. Starting the day with a little yoga or meditation can set the tone for the remainder of your day.

3. If the beginning of the day doesn’t work, try a little yoga or meditation at the end of the day before you go to bed.

4. By a little yoga, I mean a little. One or two restorative poses. That’s it.

Maybe a little Viparita Karani (Legs-up-the-wall) or Supta Baddha Konasana (Reclining Bound Angle Pose). I like to set myself up in both these poses and then cover my eyes with a lavender eye pillow and then cover my body with a blanket.

5. Pause, pause, pause. At the sound of every bell you hear during the day, pause. Close your eyes and take a deep breath.

6. Go into nature and observe. We have a lot to learn from the natural world about how we would be better served by slowing down during the cold dark months.

7. You have to give up some thing, to get some thing else. In other words, I have give up some time in order to gain some peace. Seems like a fair trade.

8.  When all else fails, take to your bed. Take a day off from the outside world and hang out in bed. Don’t wait until you are sick to do this. Schedule a pajama day and enjoy it.

Image Source: We Heart It

Looking for a few good students.

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We are officially in the student teaching part of our yoga teacher training at It’s All Yoga. Now we just need students. If you have been wanting to try yoga, this is your chance. Please join us.

December 18, 4:30-5:30pm ~ Free Class! Join us, the teacher trainees, for a free all-level class.

21st and X Street, Midtown, Sacramento.

www.itsallyoga.com for more information

My Yoga Manifesto – Part I – REST

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Manifesto: a public declaration of intentions, opinions, objectives, or motives, as one issued by a government, sovereign, or organization (or in this case, yoga teacher).

tami2012

I. REST

I believe in resting a lot in yoga class. Sometimes I lay down flat on my back like a pancake, sometimes in constructive rest, and other times I rest with my forehead on the floor in child’s pose. Sometimes I sit on a block and drink water while looking at the shapes other people make with their bodies.  [So beautiful, the human body, all those different shapes and sizes, lines and angles…]

Why do I rest? Partly because I work so hard doing everything else in my life and I’m tired.

I rest partly because I’ve had excellent teachers that remind me to rest when I’m tired or to not push past my edge.  [ BIG THANKS to the teachers at It’s All Yoga in Sacramento for teaching me this lesson!]

I rest partly because it feels good once you get past the weird ego thing of ‘I’m in yoga class and I must do everything better than everyone else.‘ Some of you know exactly what I’m talking about.

At this point, I consider my resting  in yoga class a public service.

I rest so that all those people that might want to rest can look at me and think “Oh thank god, someone else is resting, I can rest too.”

I know this happens because it used to happen to me. A lot. I’d want to come out of a pose, but I didn’t want everyone to know I needed to rest so I just powered through it.

One day something clicked in my head and I decided it was my mission to make people feel ok about resting.  By being the first to rest, I am modeling the behavior I would like to see in others.  Now when I see people listening to their inner voices telling them to rest and they actually do, I feel I’ve done my work here.

We keep joking in my teacher training class that I should open a studio someday that only offers 90 minutes classes of Savasana. I know I’d want to come to the class where rest is not only ok, but encouraged, so maybe other people would too.

If you are one of those people that doesn’t think they need to rest (I know about your kind….) I think you should rest too.

You’ll thank me later.

Will yoga help with…?

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The short answer I’ve got for the question “Will yoga help with my….?”  is YES!!!

Here’s what yoga has helped me with so far.

This is by no means a complete list.

1. Touching my toes.

2. Getting the knot the size of Idaho out from under of my shoulder-blade which had been implanted there at birth.

3. Quieting the symphony of critics, judges, voices, whatever you want to call them – you know that thing that keeps you feeling bad about yourself.

4. Breathing more deeply.

5. Letting shit go.

6. Feeling better in my body.

7. Not thinking I’m fat anymore despite being heavier than I’ve ever been.

8. Lightening the hell up.

9. Judging less.

10. Laughing more.

11. Singing more.

12. Trying more.

13. Quitting less.

14. Taking more healthy risks. Hello, inversions!

15. Taking less unhealthy risks. Bourbon? Not never, but not so much.

16. Smiling more.

17. Interacting with strangers more.

18. Liking strangers more.

19. Liking people in general more.

20. Slowing down.

21. Beating myself up less.

22. Sleeping better.

23. Less PMS.

24. More hugs.

25. Letting go of the past.

26. Embracing the now.

27. Not agonizing about the future.

28. Finding, recognizing, and admiring kindness in myself and others.

29. Cracking open my heart.

30. Crying more.

31. Props are there to support you.

32. Support feels good.

33. I live for corpse pose!

34. Feeling like I’ve had a massage.

If you’d like to feel one of the above things, please try some yoga. I’d really recommend coming to It’s All Yoga in Sacramento because it’s through the loving kindness that I’ve received from my teachers I’ve learned all these lessons and have been inspired to teach them to others.

If you don’t live in Sacramento, then search for a place that feels like home. Don’t settle for yoga-cize or the competitive “no pain, no gain” classes at the gym or high fashion studio. It’s worth it to find your yoga home.

I have found mine.

Letting go a little improves life. Letting go a lot brings happiness and joy. — Jim McGregor

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Letting go for me is a relatively recent phenomenon. Up until about a year ago, I was your go-to gal for righting the wrongs in life – big and small. You could hardly find a fight where I didn’t have a dog in the ready or a sword to fall on. However, I realized I was exhausted from carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. As a result, I’ve been practicing letting things go.

In the beginning it was really hard to let things go. I definitely had to practice. In fact, it was a serious fake it, til you make it kind of a deal. Someone would do or say something stupid and I’d have to make a choice on how to react. Most times I’d mutter to myself through clenched teeth, “Whatevs” or “Look at me, letting it go…”

You know what I learned from letting things go? The world kept revolving, the sun came up, the seasons changed and life just kept on going. I also learned I felt better about the world. I slept better. My face started to clear up and my back muscles were more relaxed. I laughed more and I had more fun.

I thought I had this beast tamed until I started this program. The anxiety around teaching and the pressure to get all the work done — and failing miserably despite my efforts not to —  was really wearing me down. It was coming out in how I was treating myself and dredging up all those yucky feelings of not being good enough.  Not fun.

I talked to my teacher about my feelings and she gave me some really good perspective. She reminded me that we aren’t working in the emergency room, so no one’s life is at stake. I was glad for the reminder that we’re not saving babies here. She offered loving words of encouragement, told me that I didn’t sound nearly as maniacal as I felt and that over time I’d feel more comfortable teaching.

So rather than grip to those anxious feelings and let them keep me from teaching, I decided to jump back in. Yesterday I opened a small class with some other TTs. I spent my 15 minutes guiding my students through some gentle movements and offering a reading as a theme for our practice. While I was in the front of the group I decided to just do what felt good and to breathe. A lot. Admittedly, there may have been too many audible sighs, but I suppose that’s better than not enough.

The point being, I taught yoga without freaking out!

Lighten up, Francis.  –words to live by.

I’ve got issues.

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The actual teaching part of the teacher training is kicking my butt. When it’s my turn to teach a pose or two for my fellow tts or during this weekend, our new mamas-to-be, I feel light-headed and I have a hard time hearing anything besides my heart pounding in my ears and my inner critics. Plural. There is so much internal chatter going on that I can’t even really hear exactly what is being said, however I know none of it is complimentary.

Time slows down and I’m no longer able to judge how long we’ve held each pose or if I’m talking too much or too little. Do I sound like I know what I’m talking about? Does my imagery make sense? Is my nervous energy oozing out of every pore or does it just feel like it?  Are they having fun? Why aren’t I? I have fun when I take class. I love yoga so much when other people teach it, why do I struggle so much to enjoy teaching it?

Even when I’m watching the teachers before and after my poses, I have a hard time being in the moment. I’m too focused on what I feel like I’ve done well and beating myself up for anything I feel I didn’t.

To say I experience great anxiety, self-doubt and anxiety would be putting it lightly. I experience something close to dread when it’s time to teach yoga. It’s “funny” given that I teach as my chosen profession and that I truly love the teaching part of my job.

I’m watching my fellow It’s All Yoga Teacher Trainees find their teaching footing and I’m in awe. So many of them are developing their voice and confidence, taking all opportunities to teach with grace and confidence. It’s like watching a bunch of flowers sprout from bulbs in the spring.

I’m feeling the opposite about myself. The crazy thing is that the further into the teacher training, the more my anxiety grows. I feel less ready to take the reins than I did the first day when I felt my teaching experience really benefitted me. Now I feel that experience is so different that it isnt’ as applicable as I first thought it would be. In theory they are very alike, but in practice, I’m finding much less so.

I am having a hard time figuring out exactly where this all comes from. A list of possibilities include: general perfectionist tendencies, feeling like I don’t have the expertise of my teachers (or fellow tts) so why am I in the front of the room? – hello, self-doubt!, not enough time to prepare, etc.

Clutter, clutter everywhere!

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I have a confession to make.  I spend way too much time on my computer. Shocking, I know. But it wasn’t until yesterday that I truly understood my obsession/addiction to all things web based.

This week as part of our teacher training homework we were asked to do a fast. When I first read the word “fast” I thought Michelle was asking us to go without food for a day. My first thought was that there was no way that was going to happen. Then when I read the assignment a little closer I realized she was asking for us to look for a place in our life where we were experiencing overload and to take a one day break from how we ususally spend our time.

Here’s the assignment:

Shauca and 5th Chakra are both about clearing, clarity, purity. In honor of that, let’s do a one-day fast. Consider what you need to fast on…where do you proliferate, clutter, confuse your life unnecessarily?  Chose one aspect of your life and create the intention to cleanse in that direction.  It may be the simple act of not taking in any stimulant of any sort: tea, coffee, sugar, alcohol, etc.  It may be a cleanse of TV, radio, movies, papers.  It may be a fast of email and phone obsession. You chose the topic and the day. Comments?

 Here are my notes on my day without the internet….

INTENTION: One day fast = no internet 10/18/09. Instead of tweeting, Facebooking, Googling, Yelping and emailing all day I’m going to work on cleaning house, grading papers, lesson planning and reading books. Then I’m going out to dinner with my Jeddy and possibly going to the movies.

 REALITY: Got up at 7:30 and immediately thought I need to check my Twitter and Facebook. Then I remembered my fast and started tidying up and organizing my very unorganized stuff.

First stop: the snack shelf in the kitchen. The plethora of nuts, dried fruits and seeds was unruly and uncontrollable. Enter basket from the laundry room and now it’s all tidy. Just that small step feels like a huge victory against the clutter.

Next stop: the coffee table/couch/otherwise known as my “office”.  I took everything off and from under the coffee table. Holy moly – the treasures found there! Armed with the garbage and recycling bin I made three huge piles of keepers: yoga, adoption and work. Shocking that those piles were huge, given that is all I’m doing these days. I also found a huge pile of shoes, but that’s a whole other post! 

I dusted the living room and realized part of my problem is that my yoga stuff doesn’t have a home other than on and under the coffee table. I took care of that problem by tackling the bookshelf next to the front door. Again armed with the recycling bin, garbage can and my 3 piles I got to work on that. Shocking! Another treasure trove: yoga, adoption and work. More shoes, scarves and jackets too!! 

Now that the bookshelf was cleaned off, I put all my yoga stuff in one place. All my books finally have a home! I searched the house for all of them and now they live on the bookshelf by the front door. I vacuumed underneath the couch and the chair in my “office” and I felt like a new person!

 Work stuff is now organized and returning to work with me Monday morning. Adoption stuff is going with the other adoption stuff. Ahhhhhh…. space!

 It turns out clutter busting is contagious! Jed’s “office” – the dining room table – sits directly across from my office – the couch. His piles of crap were bugging me too. He was inspired to clean it off. Now the “view”  from my office is better too!

 Next stop: my closet.  Underneath all the piles of stuff shoved in there were the last remnants of my last big organization day. It only took about 30 minutes to clear out all the unwanted clothes that I threw in there over the last year. I made Jeddy take them to a green donation box because I am good at getting stuff out of my closet, but not so good at getting them all the way out of the house. Then I put away all my clean laundry from last weekend, made my bed dusted and vacuumed. Another clean, organized room!

 Jeddy, still inspired by my frantic work, washed all the dishes and emptied the dishwasher. I washed down all the surfaces in the kitchen.  Another clean room!

In between all the cleaning, I also graded some exams, filled in scan trons, started grading writing and thinking about report cards and upcoming parent teacher conferences.

At dinner time Jed and I went out and enjoyed conversation. We finished the day by watching two episodes of Dexter. While we were watching I realized how much I’ve been splitting my attention because for once I was watching without my computer sitting on my lap. True confessions! I watch TV while working on my computer – multitasking at its worst!

Admittedly, during every activity I was wondering what was going on with everyone I know. I am so used to knowing what people are doing “right now” that it felt strange being so far removed. I thought many times of all the things I needed (including my mile long to-do list still on my email), but I kept my promise to myself all day and never went online. 

 This fast is exactly what I needed. My physical space was closing in on me and I really felt like I wasn’t doing my part around the house and it showed. I’m now feeling better about that. I’m also feeling the sense of accomplishment that comes only with physical work and the space that comes with getting rid of unnecessary clutter.

In addition to the clearing of my physical space, my mind felt focused and uncluttered for the first time in a long time. I had the time and space to think about what I needed to do and the focus to accomplish a very long list of tasks.

 In doing this assignment I also learned something that I think I already knew. I spend WAAAAAAAYYY too much time online! I’ve decided I’m going to have to set limits on my media time so I can get more done and have this feeling more often.

Feeling like family

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Another teacher training weekend down. We have officially made the halfway mark and Friday night during Chakra Friday all I wanted to do was lie down. I didn’t, however my thoughts were there.

Saturday morning I woke up early after sleeping for almost 9 hours. Again, all I wanted to do was lie down. I went back to bed for a couple of hours before our long day. I woke up feeling slightly better than I did when I went down. I drove to the studio and spent the first few hours in a fog. Eventually the sore throat and headache I woke up with went away.

Today I woke up feeling like a new person.

I think I was feeling exhausted from the first month and a half of school, the first three months on teacher training and some fall allergies. Taking the time to rest and feeling well cared for by my teacher and fellow ytts really helped reenergize me for yesterday’s Yang practice and today’s long anatomy lesson.

Thanks to Michelle and the other cool kids at ytt for taking such good care of me this weekend. It feels like we’ve really become a family.

It could happen to you.

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Public crying… for some it’s no big deal.

It’s the bane of my very existence. 

Here’s the story.

I hate crying.

I know it’s a natural response to frustration and hurt and a myriad of other emotions, but it still sucks. As a kid, crying wasn’t welcome in our house.  I grew up with the feeling that it somehow made you seem weak if you showed your hand.

This is not to say I was a stiff upper lip kind of kid, not by any means. I cried at the drop of the hat, but I never felt good about my crying.

I think this may have scarred me, but there it is.

Since becoming a grown up I have tried like hell to keep my tears to myself. Or at least to my closest friends, but sometimes they come out anyway. Even when I don’t want them to.

My most recent display of public crying was this past Friday during our first pose of the day — Baddha Konasana– soles of the feet together, knees splayed out like a butterfly – big hip opener. We were asked to lean our torso over the bent knees and rest.

The way my eyes filled as soon as my knees fell open you would have thought they were a faucet connected to my tear ducts.

Lift the knee up, tears slow down.

Knee down, tears fall.

Much to my chagrin they didn’t stop when I brought my knees up, only slowed a bit. It was almost comical at no matter how hard I tried to keep those tears from falling, they just rained down on my feet and mat.

My inner dialogue? 

WHY AM I CRYING?

Why now?

What is this about?

Is something hurting?

Am I sick?

Am I too tired?

Am I losing my marbles?

Why won’t they stop?

Good god, does anyone notice?

Oh goodie, there goes my nose. It’s like the power sprayer on the nozzle.

Could I be any father away from the box of tissue or a towel!?!

I guess I’ll have to tip toe to the back and try to regain my composure…

During our last session of teacher training we spent some time talking about crying in yoga class and what if anything teachers should do. You may be asking yourself why this is important enough of an issue to devote any time to during a teacher training, but crying in yoga happens a lot.

If you spend enough time on the mat you may find yourself either trying to hold back tears or trying not to slip on the ones that got out despite your best efforts. Or you may just witness someone else lose control of their tear ducts and be happy it isn’t you.

After class we were asked to write what we would do if a student in one of our classes was overwhelmed by emotion that resulted in crying.  I googled the topic to see what the “experts” had to say. I was surprised by my findings. There are articles written about it and many blog posts on the subject. 

Theories abound about why people experience deep outpouring of emotions during yoga: long ago trauma stored in the nooks and crannies of the body, tension release, quieting of the mind, taking care of oneself, and the list goes on and on.

The research was in vain because I already knew what I would do based on my own experience as an accidental crier.

LEAVE THEM ALONE.

Of course, I love that my teacher quietly checked in with me with a “Anything I can do?” and then left me alone.  For me this crying business is hard enough without anyone calling attention to it. A brief check in, a tissue and that’s all I need and/or want. 

It’s my hope that by sharing this with people they will understand that crying in yoga happens to a lot of people and that it is a completely natural response to this kind of deep body work. It is also my hope that when this kind of emotion is brought up for someone in one of my classes I will provide them the same level of comfort and privacy offered to me.

Props versus ego

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This weekend in YTT we had a section called “Pose Lab.” The idea is let’s have a couple people that struggle in certain poses do them in front of the group and the group offers tips on how to make the pose more comfortable and create more space in the body.

I, along with some other dog sufferers, volunteered today. Adho Mukha Svanasana, more commonly known as Downward facing dog, has been my nemesis from the beginning of my practice. Many teachers say this is a “resting” pose or a neutralizing pose, but I’ve never found it to be either.  My shoulders are scrunched up by my ears until it looks like I’m wearing fancy flesh earrings, my hands pucker up, my wrists scream, my heals float above the mat, my upper back pushes through toward the floor and the monkeys in my mind hop around like they’ve been hitting the crack pipe. Needless to say, I don’t find dog to be restful or neutral.

 The first day of teacher training our lovely Aunt Mads grabbed a wedge from the prop cart and said, ‘Here try this!” I don’t know why she said this, maybe she saw my grimmace or me rolling my wrists or coming down before everyone else. Maybe she’s just magic. Who cares?

I put the blue foam wedge under my mat, pushed my hands into it. With the wrist compression eased, I found the much talked about comfort in this pose for the very first time. I was amazed that that little piece of foam could totally transform my feelings about this pose and in this pose. My wrists, now at a 45 degree angle, instead of the traditional 90, felt open and lifted. My shoulders felt freer, especially when moved more toward the corner of my mat and I pointed my fingers out a bit. Spaciousness was mine!

So in love with this new found friend, the wonderful wedge, that when I did some assisting in Madeleine’s Yoga Basics class I trotted out the wedge for all to try. I made some speech about how using props can really relieve discomfort in some poses so that you can really feel the pose without the pain. Happily, most of them tried it and some found the same kind of relief.

Enter my ego. I don’t want to be that yogi. You know the one that can’t do anything unless she has all the right stuff. I’ve been struggling recently with the idea of props being crutches or for people who can’t really do yoga. Now mind you, I’m not judging anyone else on their use of props, just mine.

Iyengar’s book “Light on Yoga” talks about how props free people from fear and help them build the sense of the pose with confidence. He seems to believe that it’s still real yoga if you are using props, so what’s my issue?

Ego. Ego. Ego.

So in today’s Pose Lab, I went into down dog without any props. It was silent at first, but I swear I could actually feel their concern for my comfort. My tshirt was bunched up about my shoulders creating what I am guessing to be an awesome looking pair of earrings and there were hands everywhere moving it out of the way. Then there were hands offering support and guidance to remove my shoulder earrings.

Finally someone offered me a wedge. I came down out of the pose, placed my old friend under my mat and came back into dog. The energy in the room changed. There were gasps of “Oh so much better!” “Wow, look at her neck!” “That looks so much more comfortable!” All of which were true.

Just for fun, I also tried a wedge under my heels. Being supported under my feet and my hands made down dog feel both comfortable and spacious. What a concept!

It’s my hope that I can learn from this experience. My yoga, it seems, is less about doing what everyone else can do and to take help where I need it.

It sneaks up on you even if you aren’t looking- school week 2

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This year is one of big changes. At work we’ve got a new: VP, math curriculum, lesson plan format, accountability standards and direct instruction model. Let’s also not forget all the new kids that were previously in private school and therefore haven’t been working with the procedures and routines in our curriculum since kindergarten. Can you say freaking out?!?

My personal life is also full of huge changes.  The most obvious biggies are my yoga teacher training and our impending adoption.  Nothing like taking huge projects on all at the same time… (no time like the present, right?)

The first week of school when I didn’t know who was going to be in my class or even how many would be in my class I found myself with very sore teeth from constantly clenching my jaw. It’s as if I forgot all my summer vacation/ yoga teacher training goodness (where was my patience? and lightheartedness?) . I seemingly picked up my prickly, itchy wool school-year-grumpy-teacher-sweater and put it on despite the stifling heat. Once I entered the building, it looked like I picked up right where I left off.

Or so I thought. 

The second week of school (coincidentally the very day I found out the number of students in my class and the names of all of them) I felt some my summer vacay goodness return. After I moved my students to my favorite desk configuration, I audibly sighed (I didn’t realize I’d been holding my breath for a week!) and felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. I found myself standing straighter, my jaw unclench, my breathing deepen and my soul feel lighter. What a difference!

As a result of this physical release, I found myself more relaxed and present in the moment. I found myself smiling  during instruction and showing so much more patience than usual. Time flew by and kids were busily working as if they’d been in my class for months. We looked and acted like a highly functioning team. I even sang some instructions to lighten it up a bit and a boy in my class looked up at me smiling and said, “Teacher you sing a lot!”

So even though I feel like I’ve been not giving my full attention or even what’s left of my attention to my YTT the last couple weeks, the message is still being received. Stay present, do the work and the practice will take care of itself.

{click image for source}

Silent speculation

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A friend asked me the other day why I hadn’t written in a while. He wondered if there had been big fall out from the family. I assured him that the opposite was true, that I hadn’t heard a peep from them about the writing.

No, I was silent because I got a little ahead of myself and put my real first draft feelings out on the interwebs and I was struck by how vulnerable I felt.  Then I got all self conscious about all my meandering yammering and well, that was enough inner critic to silence me for a while. 

Right now, honestly I’m not sure how I’m feeling about anything. I’m not finding the love on the mat as much anymore. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m busy dissecting every pose, feeling guilty that I’m not doing enough homework or if I’m just feeling the weight of the school year + the teacher training. In any case, I’m tired.

How honest is too honest?

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I’ve done it now. I’ve invited the world inside my very personal thoughts and journey. So far, the reactions and comments have been nothing short of fully supportive. Although that could be because I stacked the deck by showing this to the other people going on the journey with me, but still, nothing but kudos and “I get where you are coming froms.”

I took a big risk this morning. I’ve invited my family into my inner world. I sent this link to my mom and dad and brother. I have a long history of keeping people I’m not sure agree with me at arm’s length. Now I’ve exposed that soft, fleshy part of my throat that is so vulnerable it brings tears to my eyes writing this.

People, please be kind. This is a very personal journey and I don’t want to feel like it was a mistake for inviting you in.

Is yoga a religion?

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I wanted to title this post, “I used hate all religion and now I only dislike some.” Catchy, huh?

Day Three

The Dharma talk. Uh oh.  The Dharma talk is the part where the yoga is going to recruit me into the cult. It will invade my brain and change how I view the world, God and myself.

God, I hope so.

Let me start at the beginning. I was raised to be a good Lutheran. Or at least that was the intention. My peeps are originally from Minnesota and as Garrison Keillor can attest, the place overrun with Lutherans. My father moved to California when he was three; however he brought those good Lutheran values with him on the ride.

Here’s the truth though. I went to the weekly classes and was confirmed a Lutheran when I was in eighth grade.   As it turns out, I was that kid. I was the questioner. I was the doubter. I was the pain in the ass with all the philosophical questions and then with the follow up questions which always ended with the pastor sighing audibly and replying, “You just need to have faith.”

Since being confirmed as a real life Lutheran, I have been to church exactly three times. When I go to church wedding, I worry that my lack of faith will somehow cause the architectural destruction of the church. Seriously, I worry that I’m going to ruin the wedding because the church falls down around us. I’m pretty sure the pastor at my church is still clapping gleefully every week when I am absent from his congregation. The dude looked a little panicked when he spotted me in the pews at my Grandma’s funeral. “Oh no, not that kid.”

“You just need to have faith.”

How could I have faith in something I saw as punitive and hypocritical? How could I have faith when there is so much suffering and injustice in the world? How could I have faith when I don’t see myself like these people?

“You just need to have faith.”

But it didn’t. In fact, for a very long time, I had the opposite of faith. I had scorn for those that blindly followed the flock and didn’t question. I looked down on them for their ignorance of what was real – evolution, science, fun. Needless to say, my spiritual life suffered greatly because of my rebellious attitude toward my family’s chosen religion.

“You just need to have faith.”

Then it happened. I started to question my questioning. I started to feel like something was missing in my life. I had a new very fulfilling job I was passionate about, a very supportive partner, amazing friends and yet something was missing. Did those JC lovers know something I didn’t know?  Damn them. Were they right?!? Did I just need to have faith?

So I went on a journey to find my spiritual self. Of course I mocked the hell out of the wonderful person that suggested I do that. Poor thing, just a sweet Buddhist shrink looking to help me find my way. I think I owe her an apology…

I didn’t go to yoga to find my spiritual self or any new ideas about the world. I was looking for a good workout and that post class feeling. That peaceful feeling. That feeling that was absent except right after class. So more yoga = more good feelings, right?

As it turns out, the real yoga comes after you leave your mat, your head and find your own inner goodness and peace. As it turns out, it’s the turning inward and looking for the divinity in yourself when all the goodness happens. It’s the Dharma that brings out the faith. The faith in the inner goodness in all people, the faith in the impermanence of all – good, bad, indifferent, the faith in the present moment.

Through the regular practice of asana and listening to the very wise IAY teachers, I have finally found my faith.

A home practice? Are you crazy?!?

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We’ve been asked to begin a home practice. I know, huh? Why on Earth would we start a home practice when our studio practice is so delicious? You go to class, roll out your mat and some super knowledgeable yogi gives up the goods. You’ve got some exercise, mental clarity and fulfilled a commitment. You feel better because you’ve “done” yoga and you didn’t have to think about it.

I finally got it today. Our job as teachers is to help students become independent learners… (Geez, where have I heard that before?). A yoga class can be likened to excellent tier one (whole group) instruction. Teachers guide students through poses giving corrective feedback and modeling poses. Students that need a little remediation, get it. Those that don’t,  just do some guided practice under the teacher’s supervision.  Under this scenario, what is the student’s proving behavior? It’s not until students are left to their own devices do we as teachers know they learned what we taught.

In the end, to truly know your student is making progress is when they can do it on their own. Think of it as grown up homework.

Letting go of the doing.

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Day 2

12 hours down, 4.5 to go for the weekend. Sounds crazy because most people think of yoga as active asana (poses) with a little meditation at the end of the practice ususally in Savasana. In reality though all of what we’re doing – studying, discussing, making body shapes, meditation – is all yoga.

Yin – the feminine aspect of yoga. It’s the practice of holding more passive poses for longer periods of time. It feels amazing because it is a slow letting go of the doing.  I haven’t always felt this way about Yin. I used to look at people and think they were just laying there. Really what were they getting from “just laying there”? Now that I’ve expanded my view of what yoga is, I get it. I’ve drunk the Yin koolaid. Now I love this gradual letting go. This is my yoga. Letting go of the doing…

Personal values and how we live (or don’t live) them is also a big part of this new yoga. Glad to report I’m living my most important personal values most of the time (yay ego!). Mostly what I learned about this is in my previous career in politics and living a really ambitious go-getter life didn’t serve these values and through the process of changing careers, I have been able to live more closely to these values. I’m so glad I already figure some of this stuff out! (ego rules!)

Here are my values in ranked order:

  1. humor
  2. family/friends/personal connections
  3. passion
  4. courage
  5. activism
  6. books
  7. music
  8. travel
  9. food
  10. green living
  11. enough (self acceptance, non-perfectionism, self kindness)

We were only supposed to choose ten, but that’s like asking someone to choose amongst her kids. Enough said.

Teaching yoga is an art and a science. Today we spent some time on each.  Practicing looking at each other’s alignment and giving corrective feedback was both an exercise in the science and art. How does one teach body alignment to people that seem to have no awareness of their body in space? How do you help someone change life long habits of clenching their butt or sucking in their bellies? What language do you use to help someone become more aware of what they are doing? Best answer we got today is to ask, “How does it feel?”

Today it feels a lot like letting go.

Yoga is like falling in love. It’s hard to explain to people that haven’t experienced it themselves.

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In the interest of self-care, today I’m reposting my first ever post. 

Many of you haven’t seen this yet. It’s where the story began.

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Today was the first day of my 200 hour yoga teacher training.  My first thoughts are that I’m so glad I’m doing this now and with these people. I have been working the front desk and practicing regularly at the studio for more than a year now. Looking around the room I saw mostly familiar people I’ve practiced with many times.  I’m looking forward to practicing and learning from everyone – not just Michelle and the IAY gals. 

Why here?

It’s All Yoga is the closest slice of yoga heaven I’ve ever experienced. The teachers, without exception, exhibit kindness, generosity of spirit, humor and wisdom beyond their years.  The space itself is an inspiration in green living and the studio’s commitment to the environment is evident. I spend all my spare time trying to drag everyone I know into the studio to share in the goodness.

Why now?

I’ve been flirting with a regular yoga practice for years. I took my first class more than 10 years ago and thought I’d never experience anything so amazing. Fast forward to summer 2006 when I did my first “summer school” (3 unlimited months of yoga) at IAY and I discovered that amazing feeling only compounded with regularity. School years take an obscene amount of energy the first few years of a teacher’s career and so my regular practice suffered when “real life” returned after the summer break.

Last summer I started “Desk Diva-ing” and the rest is history. Instead of exclusively focusing on my teaching job this last school year, I devoted several days a week to my yoga practice. Working the desk committed me to two days a week and sometimes that is all I could do. Other weeks I found myself on my mat many more – sometimes even at home! 

Over this past year, my mat became my friend and sometimes my enemy. I spent a lot of time crying on my mat – frustration at my body’s limitations, envious of other people’s strength and flexibility, sadness because of some fertility issues, grief because of past trauma, family illnesses and deaths.

It wasn’t all tears (although sometimes it felt that way). Connection, joy, self acceptance, love, dare I say – divinity have also been present on my mat. Had those been there all along? Had I missed them always living in the past and the future? Would I keep experiencing them if I continue to practice?

This new regular practice helped me take my yoga (non-competitiveness, loving-kindness, openheartedness) into my classroom as well. I am looking forward to seeing what this deeper self exploration means for me and my students over the next few months as I delve deeper into a practice I’m falling in love with.